Unexpected encounter
by BL-is-love
Summary: AU. Piper breaks up with her boyfriend, quits her job and goes to Europe to rediscover herself. But the road to rediscovery becomes much different once she meets a certain raven-haired beauty on her trip. Multi-chapter, but probably not too long.
1. Munich

Piper is walking the streets of a new European city every couple of days. She is happy, she truly is. She gets to enjoy Italian pasta one day, and swiss cheese the very next one. She gets to travel to places she never thought she would travel to. She has enough time and no obligations on her hands, and she feels free. She loves it. Of course, her parents were disappointed with her decision to quit her job as a journalist at the New Yorker in order to travel in Europe for an unspecified amount of time, but Piper didn't care. She had enough money saved, and she did what she wanted to. For the second time in her life. The first time was a brief two months beforehand, when she broke up with her boyfriend Larry. Her parents disapproved of that too.

But Piper wanted to give herself the chance to go on and discover herself. Figure things out. So she did.

And here she was, in a museum in Munich on a rainy summer day. With her audio guide on, she explores every painting and sculpture she finds herself in front of in complete awe of how different artists captured beauty and even with what they found beautiful. From the portrait works of Francisco Goya to the beauty Andy Warhol saw in creating a painting by urinating on it. In the past, Piper never found herself fully understanding most of the painted art. There was always so much you can conclude about it on your own. She always preferred the written word, where the intention of the artist is clearer, more tangible. But since her Euro-trip was about exploring something new, she decided to visit at least one museum in every city she goes to. And with every new city and new museum she learnt how to appreciate it more. The audio guides helped, the reading she did on different pieces once she was back in her hotel as well and she found herself more and more drawn to it.

As Piper is walking around the Neue Pinakothek in Munich, she is looking at paintings of different artists: Goya, Monet, Van Gogh all lined up in different rooms of the museum, depicting slightly different periods of time. She likes Van Gogh already and has been to the "Van Gogh" museum in Amsterdam, fully dedicated to him, and feels proud of herself to already know the information about his sunflowers and color usage the audio guide is talking about. She admires Monet's painting with memorable vanilla sky over and over again wherever she comes across it, remembering the scene from Vanilla Sky where Tom Cruise is explaining the painting to Penelope Cruz. She is somehow sure if she had her own lucid dream the sky would also be the vanilla one like in the Monet painting.

She moves on to the next room, her attention immediately drawn by a statue at the very end of it. The statue represents someone from Greek mythology, that much she is sure of by the way the posture of the man is. She takes a step closer and sees that it says "Paris" and skips her audio guide to the story about it. _The Judgement of Paris_ is the mythological moment the statue depicts – a contest between 3 goddesses to be "the fairest" and earn the golden apple. The decision and the reward is to be given by Paris of Troy, with each of the three goddesses – Hera, Athena and Aphrodite – promising him gifts for the favor of being chosen.

" _The statue here depicts the exact moment before Paris makes his decision. He is standing, a golden apple slightly hidden behind his back, observing the three goddesses before making his decision known."_ The audio guide speaks and Piper finds herself looking at Paris and then, for some reason, following the path of his eyes, knowing that the three goddesses are not there. But as her eyes trail over to where Paris is looking she is faced with something she did not expect: raven haired woman in a leather jacket, looking Paris directly in the eyes, with her own headphones on her head.

Piper takes a sharp intake of breath, caused by the surprise of just how gorgeous the woman in front of her is, as if she was the modern version of the goddesses spoken about. Her raven hair frames her pale face perfectly and falls on her leather jacket that she looks _so damn good_ in. Her long toned legs go on forever and the secretary glasses she is wearing let her gorgeous green eyes stand out even more. As Piper stares at her, the woman lets one hand go through her hair and Piper could swear a simple arm movement has never been so attractive.

" _Paris chose Aphrodite, swayed by promise to bestow upon him the most beautiful woman, Helene, for wife."_ The voice of the audio guide pulls Piper away her thoughts and she refocuses on Paris again. When she turns her head again to look at the mysterious raven-haired woman their eyes lock and Piper can see a smirk forming on the face of the other woman as she starts walking towards Piper.

"I could've sworn the myth said Helene was supposed to be Aphrodite's gift to Paris, not the other way around." The woman speaks as she approached Piper.

"Wh-what? What are you talking about?" Piper is confused by what the woman just said, so she takes her headphones off to make sure she hears properly.

"Didn't you see? The guy was looking straight at me but instead of the golden apple, seems like he wanted to show the most beautiful woman to me. Just saying, it's his loss." The smirk on the woman's face is growing, and so are Piper's eyes when she finally realizes the woman is talking about _her._

"Oh. Well, I assume he was hungry and wanted the apple to himself." She replies, trying her best to be witty and to keep the woman interested in holding the conversation.

"Well, you can have it dude" the woman says as she turns to look at Paris "I always preferred soft-fruit anyways." And then turning to Piper she continues "besides, shouldn't he know it was the apple that got Adam and Eve kicked out of heaven? Men don't seem to learn their lesson, do they?"

"Well, it does depend a lot on how you look at things, you know? Adam and Eve were the first man and woman but their story was only told in Christianity which came a long time after Paris here was alive. So, it could be that he just didn't know. And also, he **did** give the apple to Aphrodite, so I'm not sure why we are having this discussion anyways." Piper rambles on as the other woman just looks at her, the amused chuckle still present on her face and her eyes not leaving Piper's even for a moment.

"Wow, way to ruin my imaginary moment with my friend Paris over there."

"Sorry." Piper blushes and her eyes find their way to the floor in an instant.

"Don't be. He made the right choice, I must say. Tho his choice led to Troyan war, I guess wars over women are the sweetest ones to have. Just saying, I'd do the same." The grin on the woman's face keeps growing as she lifts her arms in a surrender kind of movement and Piper can't help but smile at the conversation the two of them just started.

"Who are you?" it falls from Piper's lips before she can stop herself, breaking the fictional bubble the two were in just a moment ago.

"Weren't you listening to what I just said? The name is Aphrodite, the goddess of love, beauty and sexuality. At your service." The woman says and takes a small bow in front of Piper, making the other girl laugh at the gesture. But if Piper is being honest, the description fits the woman perfectly, beautiful and so-damn-sexy being the first two words Piper would use to describe her.

"Okay, Aphrodite, if you say so." The two women start walking together, headphones wrapped around their neck but neither of them interested in listening to the audio guide anymore, but rather in the conversation with one another.

"See that picture over there?" _Aphrodite_ speaks as she points at the picture of two women together, holding hands. "Lesbians, right there. And they say no one portrayed it in art back in the day."

"They are not lesbians! That's _Italia and Germania,_ the picture represents the two _wives_ of two different _men_ and this is how this author decided to portray them – together, sharing a certain closeness. The background behind the two shows the differences of the places they come from."

"Oh come on, kid, it's obvious. They are holding hands. They at least _want to_ get it on, even if they can't due to all the social disapproval mumbo-jumbo. Sorry if it's not written in your books but it's the truth" The other woman speaks and raises her eyebrows suggestively and Piper gives her arm a light shove, rolling her eyes but laughing along with the other woman.

"Tell me whatever you want about the idea of what's attractive changing through years and eras, that woman in that painting over there has mustaches. That can never be sexy, sorry."

…

"I never liked Monet."

"How come?"

"He portrays beauty on warm sunny days and everything and everyone looks so happy and… perfect. That's not real life"

"It can be."

"Maybe in your WASPy world. Not everyone gets that lucky."

And Piper leaves the discussion at that, noticing the glint of sadness in the other woman's eyes.

…

"Well, seems like we reached the end of this exhibition here."

"I still can't believe what you said about Monet."

"I also can't believe you've never been to Cambodia but I'm not judging you for it, kid."

"You gave me a look that did that for you, no worries."

The banter between the two women continued as they went through the museum together, up until they reached the exit of the building, both of them looking like they don't want to say goodbye to each other just yet.

"Well, at least the weather is now better finally. Not as good as Cambodia" the dark haired woman spoke as they stepped outside onto the street and they both laugh at it. They turn around to face each other and for a few seconds they both go silent, examining the other one, trying to figure out the thoughts in the other's head and figure out of suggesting to spend more time together would be something to offer.

"So…" Piper starts and her eyes immediately go down to the sidewalk they are standing on, unsure if she is able to look into the other woman's eyes as she finally finds her own voice to use "… I'm still curious about your _actual_ name, so maybe we can grab some coffee together. If you want, I mean. We don't have to." The nervousness in Piper's voice makes her stumble over her own words, causing the other woman to chuckle as she extends her hand over to Piper "It's Alex. But we can still have that coffee." Alex smiles at Piper and she finally dares to look up, taking the offered hand and saying "Piper. Alex… I like the sound of it." with a shy smile. The electricity that runs through her body at the touch of Alex's hand is like something she never felt before. And she somehow feels like the other woman is feeling it too, as they look into each other's eyes and share a smile.

* * *

They spend hours in the coffee shop talking non-stop, about where they come from and how they ended up in Europe. Piper shares that she is from Connecticut, studied at Smith, worked as a journalist, broke off an engagement and came to Europe, to much of her parents protest. Alex tells her that she comes from Jersey, and she now travels the world working as a photographer, being hired by multiple different magazines to work for them, but her home base is in New York.

When they finally leave the coffee shop Alex offers to walk Piper to her hotel, not wanting to stop talking to the blond just yet.

"So, what were you photographing in Munich?" Piper asks so to break the silence that somehow was created between them on the way to her hotel

"Nothing in Munich itself. Took some pictures of Koeningsee near by Munich. It's very beautiful over there, and one of the magazines I work for wants to feature it in their best lakes to visit in the world, but they wanted very specific pictures taken and not using the ones they can find online." Alex replies and Piper nods. They reach Piper's hotel fairly quickly and stop in front of it.

"Well, this is me." Piper says as Alex nods her head, suddenly both women at the loss of words all of a sudden "I had fun today. How long are you staying in Munich?" Piper asks, hoping she will get to see the other woman the next day again.

"I'm leaving tomorrow for Berlin." Alex replies and the smile from Piper's face falters.

"Oh…" is all Piper manages to say.

"Can I take you out for dinner later today? Lets say I pick you up at 7?"

Piper looks at her and smiles and nods and Alex can't help the chuckle that escapes her lips at how adorable Piper looks right now. So she leans forward and gives her a long, soft kiss on the cheek, just on the side of her lips, using her other hand to hold Piper's face in place. Piper's hands hold onto Alex's hips on their own accord and both women stay in that moment for a few seconds. As Alex pulls back they share a soft smile that reaches their eyes and Alex interlaces their fingers together, tracing over Piper's knuckles gently with her thumb.

"Don't worry about dressing up tonight. I'll see you in a few hours." Alex says as she lets go of Piper's hand, turns around and walks away. Piper smiles while observing Alex's retrieving form, admiring how the jeans she is wearing hug her in all the right places before she turns around and walks to her hotel, looking forward to their next encounter later on.

* * *

After getting some rest in her hotel room, a warm and relaxing shower and a quick phone call with Polly, Piper was trying on different clothes from her closet deciding what clothes to wear in order not to be overdressed, according what Alex told her, but to still be dressed to impress the older woman. She settled for a short summer dress, the weather in Munich seems to have gotten better. Just as she was hectically running around her room, putting on her shoes and earrings simultaneously her room rang.

" _Hello Ms Chapman, I'm calling from the reception. A certain Ms Aphrodite is waiting for your downstairs."_ The voice spoke from the other side of the line and Piper laughed at the name Alex used to present herself.

"Tell Aphrodite I'll be right downstairs. Thank you" She replied before putting the phone down and checking herself out in the mirror before taking a deep breath and walking out of her room.

As she reached the reception she saw Alex sitting in the foyer of the hotel, fiddling with her phone. She stood by for a few seconds, taking in the beauty of the woman in front of her before she quietly approached her "Hello my gorgeous Aphrodite" Piper spoke as she got closer to Alex and the other woman looked up, smiling at Piper before her eyes grazed all over Piper's body. Her summer dress showing off her perfectly toned legs, her slightly tanned skin of her arms, her seductive neck-line and that insanely gorgeous face and bright blue eyes that have been on Alex's mind the whole day. She set there frozen on the spot for a couple of seconds and then stood up, giving Piper a hug and whispering "You look beautiful, Pipes" In her ear.

Piper smiled at the statement and melted into Alex's arms for a few seconds, enjoying the warmth of the other's body so close to her.

"Thank you. You don't look bad yourself." Piper replied and smirked at Alex who offered a smile in return. The words she would have honestly used would have been more direct and in the line of hot or gorgeous or walking sex, since that's what she felt towards Alex, but she didn't want to sound too horny.

"Shall we get going?"

"Where are we going exactly?"

"You'll see."

And with a smirk she took Piper's hand in hers and walked her out of the hotel.

* * *

The taxi left them in front of English Garden, the biggest park in Munich and one of the biggest ones in the world, and they walked into it, hand in hand. The park was crowded with young people, sitting around and having beers, playing soccer or volleyball, riding around on bikes. It was beautiful. They reached a secluded area surrounded by trees where there wasn't many people sitting around. Through the trees Piper could see a small lake and the view was magnificent. Alex pulled a picnic basket from around the tree and spread the blanket on the grass beneath them, motioning with her hand for Piper to take a seat. As they settled, Alex pulled a variety of food from the basket and a bottle of white wine.

"German Riesling, it's supposed to be good. Well, according to Germans." Alex spoke as she filled up two glasses for them and handed one over to Piper.

"To unexpected encounters." Alex said as they cheered and raised her eyebrow at Piper who replied with a shy smile and an almost whispered "cheers".

"This place is beautiful, Alex. Thank you for bringing me here."

"You're welcome."

They talked about anything and everything for a while: about art, about Munich, about different cities in Europe they've been to, about differences between the US and Europe. And as Piper sipped on her wine, Alex pulled out her camera and snapped a picture. And Piper laughed about it and Alex snapped another.

"I like beautiful things. And I wanted to keep a memory of this moment. Don't worry, this one is not going to any magazines. I just really wanted to have something to remember you by."

And as soon as she said that Piper's lips crashed onto hers, staying there for a couple of seconds. And her lips were the softest lips she ever kissed and she instinctively put her hands on Piper's face, holding her close as Piper intertwined one of her hands into Alex's hair. As Piper pulled back she leaned her forehead against Alex's and both women smiled warmly at each other. "Something to remember me by" Piper whispered and Alex's smile grew even bigger. "That's a much better memory than a photo." she said as she still held Piper's face in her hands and smiled "Well, in that case…" Piper replied as she kissed Alex again, softly yet with passion, deep yet delicate.

"Alex…" Piper whispered into Alex's lips, her breathing heavy and her pupils dilated "…let's go back to my hotel." And Alex nods and grabs Piper's hand, the picnic behind them forgotten completely.

* * *

They catch a taxi and it takes them only 20 minutes to make it to the hotel. They rush inside and go straight for the elevator, unable to keep their hands and lips away from each other while they wait for the elevator to reach their floor. The doors open and Piper grabs Alex's hand and guides her to her room. Once inside, she pushes Alex against the door and continues exploring her lips as her hand roam over Alex's body, exploring it. Her lips go down to Alex's jaw line and throat and she bites it lightly, hearing a moan escape Alex's lips.

"Come with me to Berlin." She hears Alex say in between breaths. She pulls away slightly to look into her eyes, confusion all over her face.

"I'm serious. Come with me to Berlin tomorrow. You are travelling around Europe anyways and it doesn't mess up your plans cause you don't have any. It just adds to the adventure." Alex explains as she raises her eyebrows suggestively at Piper before giving her a quick peck on the lips.

"You can always leave if you don't want to spend time with me anymore, no harm done." Her lips are now tracing down Piper's jawline and the neck she admired hours ago, causing Piper to tilt her head back to give her more room to work with and close her eyes at the wonderful sensation of Alex's tongue on her neck.

"I just want to have some more time to do this" Alex speaks as she places another wet kiss on her neck.

"..and this" her lips trail down to Piper's shoulder, pulling the strap down to make more room for the kiss.

"…and this" she says as she pulls her dress down a bit more and pushes her hand under Piper's bra, gently massaging her left breast. Piper moans in delight.

"Is that a yes?" Alex asks as she pulls the other strap of Piper's dress down.

Piper uses two fingers to raise Alex's chin up and kiss her with every ounce of passion she has for the woman. She takes Alex's shirt off and guides her towards the bed as she toys with the button of her jeans. Alex slides Piper's dress down and both women fall down onto the bed.

Piper never gives a verbal answer to Alex's question. And she doesn't have to.

* * *

A/N: That's it for the first part. I want to make it a multi-chapter but it won't be a very long one, 3 to 5 piece most probably. Would love to hear your thoughts on it, so feel free to review or PM me. Follows/favorites appreciates as well! Happy New Year and have a great start of 2016 everyone!


	2. From Berlin to NYC

A/N Sorry it took me a while to get around to updating this. Big thanks to a few people that kicked my ass in the past few days so I finally set down and wrote this.

Thanks for reading the first chapter and your response to it! Hope you like the continuation of this story too. I hope this chapter is alright since I was banging my head quite a lot with where to take it. Enjoy and please follow and review, means a lot to hear your thoughts on it. Thanks!

Italics are flashbacks, but I'm sure it will be clear from the story.

* * *

 _And every city was a gift_

 _And every skyline was like a kiss upon the lips_

 _And I was making you a wish. And every skyline_

 _How big, how blue, how beautiful_

2 YEARS LATER

Piper's looking out of the window of her office. Her big, fancy office with one window-wall on the 56th floor of the building giving her a great view of the city. Her desk is filled with a pile of papers she should go through, her laptop beeping with new emails every couple of minutes but there is something about taking 10 minutes in the afternoon to just look into New York's skyline, something soothing, that she doesn't give up on even on her most busy days.

She takes a sip of the coffee from the giant red mug she is nursing in her hands, thoughts swirling through her head. Thoughts of an ex, who she heard was back in the city. Her brain is stumbling over contradicting thoughts, but before she goes crazy over it her phone rings, pulling her out of her thoughts and into the real life.

 _It might be her_ goes through her head against every rational idea and she has to physically shake the thought out of her head before picking up.

Of course it's not her but some work related phone call, one that she barely listens to properly, her gaze shifting over the picture of Alex in the magazine on her desk. She closes the magazine angrily and tosses it to the sofa in the corner of the room.

When the call is done, she digs into her work, checking out the articles that are being prepared for the next release, sending some comments back to her colleagues. Her mind however, is still stuck on the words "exhibition opening" she saw clearly in the magazine before tossing it on the sofa.

* * *

 _The next afternoon they are on a train to Berlin. Piper is leaning into Alex, giddy and happy and so excited. And the excitement is so much more than a simple excitement over a new place to visit, but the fact that trip had taken an unexpected turn just 24 hours ago. She has met a gorgeous and smart woman with a great sense of humor and feeling for art and had completely disregarded her plan to stay in Munich for 2 more days and then go to Vienna and instead just got on a train to Berlin with an almost stranger._

" _Have you been to Berlin before?" she asks Alex, not moving her head from the crook of Alex's neck where she made herself comfortable on the train ride._

" _Twice before. Once for work and once with an ex." Alex replies and kisses Piper's forehead, making the younger woman smile into her neck._

" _So you take your women to Berlin, huh?" Alex can hear Piper's voice, even though she says it playfully, is laced with a tinge of jealousy, and in some weird way she likes it._

" _It's not like that exactly. Sylvie and me were together for a while. It was always complicated and never felt like a relationship I see a future in. Berlin is a trip we took to try and save our relationship but it didn't work. That's it."_

 _By not Piper has repositioned herself so that she can look into Alex's eyes as she speaks. She saw truth there but she also saw hurt, although she wasn't sure why._

" _When was that?"_

" _A year or so ago."_

" _Do you miss her?"_

" _No, no I don't." Alex had even laughed slightly at this but Piper sees Alex's eyes hold sadness to them but she doesn't ask questions. Even if she misses her ex, it's too early for Piper to push Alex into talking about it. She can't help the jealousy, but she keeps it to herself. It's what she learnt best from her mother._

 _Her thoughts are interrupted with her phone ringing, and she pulls away from Alex's neck in order to answer properly._

" _Hey, Polly." She speaks into the phone and notices that Alex has moved to lean on the window of the train, going back to reading a book she brought along for the trip._

" _I'm on my way to Berlin… change of plans… I'm doing good, you?..." and the string of regular catch-up talk goes on and on. Alex notices she is never mentioned, but she doesn't mind, it's only been a day that they know each other._

" _Polly! I told you I don't want to talk about that!" at this Alex can't help but glance at the blond next to her, and Piper gives her a smile, one that doesn't quite reach her eyes. Alex turns her eyes back to her book. But she's not reading anymore, she's listening to the conversation next to her, at least to the one side she can hear._

" _Polly, you're my best friend and I love you, but if you bring Larry up one more time I'll stop answering my phone when you call." By now Piper is fully pissed, she has her head leaned back and her eyes closed, trying to control her anger and the volume of her voice, so she doesn't attract attention of other passengers._

" _Listen, Pol, I understand he is your friend too but I seriously don't care about how he's feeling. I'm sorry, but he needs to let go and move on. It's been 2 months! And I'm not having this conversation ever again." She speaks in the calmest voice she can muster and can hear, or rather feel, Alex chuckle next to her. She finishes the call with Polly barely a minute later and drops her phone back on the small table in front of her. She takes a deep breath to recompose herself before she turns over to Alex._

" _Sorry about that."_

 _Alex finally closes her book as she says "Nothing to apologize for." She pulls her glasses up on top of her head as she takes Piper's hand into hers "Trouble back home?"_

 _Piper nods "Just mild drama involving one ex and one nosy best friend." She replies with a roll of her eyes "I don't want to bother you with that."_

" _Try me." Alex replies with a soft smile and a gentle squeeze of Piper's hand. It seems to be enough for Piper._

" _Well, if you insist. Polly, who I just spoke to, is my best friend since well, forever. Larry, who she managed to bring up is the ex. She is friends with him too, we met through her. And every fucking time I talk to Polly she finds a way to mention how Larry misses me and whatnot. For the first couple of times I could handle it, but now I'm just sick of listening about how Larry feels or how he misses me and how he hopes I come back to my senses soon." She chuckles at her own words "Funny how he thinks I should come back to my senses while I feel like this is the first time I've been trusting my sense and doing what I feel like doing, not what others expect."_

" _And what is it that you want to do?" Alex asks with a smirk._

" _I needed an adventure. To break out from my routine and from this life that was planned out for me. So I came to Europe to travel and explore other cultures and different people and just do whatever I feel like doing without wondering if anyone is going to judge me for it."_

" _Like having sex with a woman?" Alex speaks with a raise of her eyebrows and mild cockiness to her voice._

" _Yes! I mean no… I mean, yes but not in that sense." Piper stumbles over her words realizing how this might have sounded to Alex "What I mean is… my parents would definitely judge_ _ **that**_ _, no question about it. But that's not why we had sex last night." She is looking Alex straight into her eyes and she can feel herself blushing a light shade of pink, but she tries not to hide her face from the older woman._

" _It's not? None of the six times?" Alex asks in a low voice with a smirk and a cocked eyebrow and Piper can feel the warmth building up in her stomach. She knows she can't give in and let the other woman win this seduction game, she want to show Alex that she can be the seductive one too._

" _No… it's not." She says in a sultry voice, smirking back at Alex before she leans in and whisper into Alex's ear "It's because you drive me fucking insane. And if you didn't fall asleep, we wouldn't have stopped at six." She feels Alex inhaling sharply, but she just lightly bites her ear and pulls away quickly, gives Alex an innocent smile, the most innocent one she can manage before she turns around, grabs a book and starts reading it._

 _Alex doesn't stop looking at her for a minute._

* * *

When 6pm rolls around, and she is already exhausted from the long day at work and the many meeting, there's a knock on her door and she tells the person to come in without even looking up.

"Hey, Blondie. Still locked in here?"

"Nicky, I'm surprised by your ability to actually knock for a change."

"What can I say, I'm trying to learn how to behave. Also, I've seen a photography magazine with a giant photo of a certain Alex Vause in it and wasn't sure if you are actually working in here or…" she doesn't finish the sentence as Piper throws a cushion in her face.

"The temper is still on spot I see." She says with a smirk and Piper just glares at her.

"So did you just come in here to check if I already know that Alex is in New York or is there a better reason for your visit?"

"Actually, I was wondering if you'd grab a beer with me. It's a nice day outside, I don't feel like going home just yet. And I'm pretty sure you need a drink today."

"Listen, just because Alex is here doesn't mean that I _need_ a drink. But we should get one anyway."

"Whatever you say, boss, whatever you say."

Piper just rolls her eyes at Nicky and stands up from her spot on the sofa, arranging the things slightly in her office before grabbing her purse and heading out the door, Nicky on her tail.

There's a part of her that keeps repeating she really just wants a drink with Nicky. There's another part of her that keeps wondering why is it then that she wants to drink herself to oblivion.

* * *

 _The next day they explore Berlin together: everything and anything Piper wanted to see._

" _There's lots of history here" Piper speaks in between bites of curry wurst that she is having while they walk down the East Side Gallery, the largest remaining piece of the Berlin Wall, now covered with street art._

" _Mhm, there is. The city was split in two for so long, you can feel it in the vibe of the place and see it in the very different architecture that they have." Alex replies as she dives into her own curry wurst, the best street food to be found in Berlin._

" _And the street art on the wall is magnificent. So many meaningful messages at one place!" Piper exclaims with the enthusiasm of a five year old and Alex just chuckles, letting her free hand linger on Piper's forearm for a few seconds._

" _Hey kid, if you like street art, there is a place I need to take you to." She says as it dawns on her that Piper would love Kreuzberg._

 _So after their walk down the East Side Gallery, they head over to Kreuzberg and Alex shows her the various street art there and tells her the stories of it and how strongly it stands against corporate take over of the city, stands for peace and love and unity. She tells her about Blu, a famous Italian street artist, and his murals that used to stand proudly in front of the biggest squatter area in Berlin._

" _Blu had his friends paint over them when the squatters were removed and the area was sold to a big corporation to build a large housing unit there." Alex speaks with admiration and then tells her more about street art, about different artists from Berlin and Piper takes in every word. She was raised to believe street artists were vandals destroying other people's properties. But now she understands how much art and depth and belief stands behind what they do. And it all sounds so right to her. So different than what she was thought under the Chapman rooftop._

" _And this is one of my favorites, called Suspended." Alex says as they stop in front of a large building with 6 murals of women sprayed all over it._

" _AliCe, another Italian street artist, did those. Basically all she wanted was to portray women as something other than good looking pin-up girls. Not that I mind good looking pin-up girls." She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively at Piper who just laughs at the gesture._

" _I assumed so, since you have one tattooed on your shoulder."_

" _Yup, that I do. Anyway what she tries to do is represent women as strong and independent and badass, making sure people understand we can be like that as well and that should also be hot." Alex continues explaining as Piper's eyes shift from the mural to Alex._

" _I think that the badass women are super hot." She says in a seductive tone that makes Alex smile._

" _Oh yeah? Well then, I guess I'm lucky." Alex replies with a smile on her face, quickly pecking Piper's lips._

" _So listen, I have to work tomorrow so you're on your own for most of the day. I'll give you some tips on what to do and where to go and I'll call you when I'm done, ok?" Alex says as they start walking back towards the Brandenburg Gate._

" _Sure, no problem." Piper replies as she looks down at her feet. Somehow, even though she was aware Alex is in Berlin for work, the idea of not having her around doesn't sit well in her heart._

* * *

Piper and Nicky find their way to a bar nearby their office, crowded with the yuppies from the neighbourhood. It's not really something either of them, especially Nicky, really likes but it's more convenient than taking the subway to get to a bar in a different area.

"So Nick, how's Lorna doing?" Piper asks as the waiter hands them their beers at the bar, the place too crowded so they need to wait a bit before getting a proper table.

"She's alright. Haven't seen her in a week or so." Nicky replies as they cling their bottles together, each taking a big gulp of the beer to refresh themselves.

"So you're still just fuck buddies?"

"What do you mean _just?_ Chapman, how many times do I need to tell you that that's all I ever want to be with anyone?" there's a defensiveness in her tone, and Piper is not sure if she should just drop it or should she push Nicky more.

"Why do you get upset over it, anyways? I mean, if it's just sex, no need to get so defensive." Piper smirks at Nicky and she knows how badly Nicky hates that.

"You mean, no need to react like you did when I asked you about Alex being in New York?" it's Nicky who is smirking now and Piper's eyes fall to her hands at the bar.

"I didn't get defensive!" her voice is high-pitched but her eyes are still not meeting Nicky's.

"Listen Blondie, cut the bullshit, will ya? I've seen you running around the office, not giving yourself a proper break the whole day. You've been going over and over it in your head. She is here, she has an exhibition, and you miss her." Nicky raises her eyebrows and Piper just listens, processing the words slowly.

"Of course I miss her." She finally speaks after a few long seconds "I never stopped missing her. I just… I don't know if I could handle seeing her."

It's probably the first truth she has spoken about this. Probably even the first truth she has thought.

"Without jumping her?" there's a smirk and raised eyebrows behind Nicky's words, and Piper hates how right she is.

"No! I mean, yeah that might be a problem. But I also just have no idea what I would say to her. I also don't even know if she would talk to me. There're just too many questions in my head I don't have an answer to."

"Maybe you should go there and figure it out."

There's silence for a couple of seconds as Piper is thinking about it and Nicky is giving her time.

Then Piper takes a massive chug of her beer, putting the bottle down with more force than she intended to.

"Or I should just get drunk tonight and forget this conversation ever happened."

Nicky just shakes her head slightly and drinks her own beer as well, waving at the waiter to bring them two more.

Four beers into their evening, Piper is getting drunk and laughing at the random nonsense joke Nicky just told about a penguin walking into a bar. Then Nicky gets up and gestures towards the bathroom, making it clear to Piper where she is going.

"I was waiting for a while now for your friend to get lost." A deep voice speaks besides her. She turns around and sees a guy, slightly older than herself, with dark hair and wearing fancy trousers and a shirt occupying the chair Nicky just stood from.

"Well, she is getting back soon. And will want the chair back." Piper points out matter-of-factly, trying to make it clear to the guy that she is not interested in talking to him.

"Oh, she can have the chair if I can still have a chat with you, no problems." He offers her a bright smile and his white teeth are on full display.

She finally takes a good look at the guy: he is handsome, seems to have a nice body under that shirt, lovely smile and seems like a nice guy. Maybe she shouldn't turn him down right away.

She extends her hand and says "Piper, nice to meet you."

He shakes her hand with a smile playing on his lips "Luke. Nice to meet you, Piper."

Nicky comes back and leaves fairly quickly, saying that Lorna texted her and it's time for her to get some action since it's been a while. She winks in Piper's direction before leaving and sends her a text that says _"He does have a dick but he seems nice. Have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't. Which frankly gives you a lot of options."_

Piper just laughs at it. As time goes by and she has another beer, she realized Luke really is a nice one. He is a gentleman, he is charming, he has read a lot, he has a good stabile job at a law-office, he got out of a long relationship half a year ago and took his time to get over his ex, he talks about his family a lot and seems to have a great relationship with them. He overall seems like someone worth her time.

They talk some more but then Piper realized that it's slowly getting late and she should be going home. He puts his hands on her waist and leans in and tries to kiss her, but she turns her head and offers him her cheek instead.

When he moves away she offers him an apologetic smile.

He doesn't try to push it, he just nods his head and tells her it was nice meeting her. She gives him another smile before walking out and getting into a taxi.

On her way to her apartment, she realizes that she never had a thing for the slightly too perfect. There was something about cracks and imperfection that she finds a lot more intriguing.

When she gets home she jumps into the shower, to let the water wash down some alcohol, her thoughts and the barely a few innocent touches from the guy.

* * *

 _A few evenings later, as they are taking a bath together, Piper's back pushed into Alex's front, a bottle of wine in Alex's right hand, Piper is debating with herself if she should ask the question that's been in her head most of the day. Alex seemed happy most of the time, but there were moments when they were around Alexanderplatz, where she seemed distant and sad. And the idea of Alex still missing Sylvie, or whatever her exes name was, kept bugging Piper. So she kept thinking about it, about how to get this information._

" _How long were Sylvie and you together?" she starts with her eyes closed, hoping she won't sense how wrong her question was like that._

" _A year. Where is this coming from?" Alex asks her back as she takes a sip from the wine bottle before handing it over to Piper._

" _It's just that… you seemed sad at one point today and I don't want you to be. I mean, it's okay if you miss her but I just… I just want us to then avoid the places that will make you sad. Or is it even the places? Is it me that's doing something wrong? I just wanna do what's right for you." Piper rambles for a bit before realizing she might have pushed too much, so she takes a big chug from the bottle as she waits for an answer, hoping Alex gives her one. One that's not "fuck off and shut up and you have no right to ask about my past"._

" _I'll never stop missing her." Alex replies as she takes the bottle from Piper's hand and Piper can feel the sadness in the other woman's voice instantly. And she regrets pushing her even more. For both causing her pain, but also for the weird feeling that's tugging at her heart right now._

 _Alex takes another sip from the bottle before she continues "But I'm not talking about Sylvie. The thing is Piper, my mom died while I was in Berlin." At this Piper turns around and looks at the other woman, cursing herself for asking, admiring Alex for telling her._

" _I'm so sorry, Al." she says and Alex just shrugs with a "You didn't know." before taking another swing from the bottle. "I was at Alexanderplatz when my aunt called to tell me. That's why I got sad today, this city will always hold some sadness for me. I left the same day, both the city and Sylvie." She ends with tearful eyes and Piper just kisses her cheek lightly, caressing her other cheek with her fingers gently._

" _I'm really sorry about your mom. I'm sure she was a great woman."_

" _She was." And Alex spends hours telling Piper all about Diane, about how much they struggled when she was younger and how she had even four jobs at a time in order to provide for Alex. And she tells her about her worn-out rock-star dad who was never around, and how she never met him. And she tells her about how much fun she and Diane would have playing the simplest games they could come up with, with the little that they had, since Diane couldn't afford to buy her toys or anything like it. And she cries, she cries into Piper's shoulder remembering how amazing her mom was. It's the first she cried in front of someone about it, but she doesn't tell Piper that._

" _Be happy you had such an amazing mom that loved you so, so much Alex." is all Piper says to help Alex stop crying. She wishes to say **all mine gave me was money** but she doesn't, not wanting to compare her problems to Alex's pain. And she realizes now why Alex doesn't believe in Monet's vanilla skies. She's not sure she believes in them either anymore._

 _They don't have sex that night, for the first time since they met. Piper just holds Alex close to her, cuddled up on her shoulder and they dose off to sleep like that._

* * *

As she gets into bed, her mind goes back to Alex again, thoughts of the upcoming exhibition swirling in her brain. She finally decides that she will let somebody else from the papers go instead of her. Many people would enjoy the opportunity to mingle with New York's finest. After all, she thinks, if Alex wanted her there she would have invited her personally. It's been a while since they broke up, it shouldn't be so difficult to do that.

As she begins to dose of, her phone chimes and lights up the room. She assumes it's Nicky, so she rolls to her side to fetch the phone from the nightstand, unlocking it in the process, wondering what the other woman would want at this ungodly hour.

There's an unknown number, a clench in Piper Chapman's chest and the second hardest decision in her life to be made.

 _Hi Piper, I'm having an exhibition in the city. The opening night is on Saturday. It'd be nice if you stopped by. I'll text you the details if you are interested in coming. A.V._

* * *

That's it for the second chapter. I promise to come back with a third one faster than almost a month but I'm not making promises on how fast it will be.

Looking forward to hear what you think of it.


	3. Reunions and memories

A/N seems like it took me a while again to get this chapter up. Super sorry about that, life got way too much in the way in the past month. Thanks a lot for all your reviews and follows, keep them coming, love hearing what you think of this so far. At this point, I think I lied at the beginning and it might be longer than 5 chapters, but I'm still not sure about that. I'll keep you informed before the last chapter comes, for sure. Anyways, without much more from me, enjoy reading.

 _I've been looking so long at these pictures of you_

 _That I almost believe that they're real_

 _I've been living so long with my pictures of you_

 _That I almost believe that the pictures are_

 _All I can feel_

* * *

 _From Berlin they go to London where Alex is requested to take pictures during an interview with Emilia Clarke. It's her first celebrity shooting and she is very happy about it. "It can take me places!" she tells Piper when they arrive and Piper's smile is so wide that Alex swears she's never seen anyone so happy for her._

" _I'm so proud of you!" she tells Alex as she gives her a quick kiss._

 _In London, they visit the Tate Museum together and Piper is an awe of how gorgeous it is, with its industrial design and great works of modern-art._

 _They also take a walk in Camden Town, where Piper gets overly excited with the open market, the street food, the people she meets._

 _They drink champagne in St James park, laughing at Piper spilling it over her dress. Alex lays with her head in Piper's lap and just enjoys the view of the sky and the serenity of the moment._

" _Do you ever think about the future?" Piper suddenly asks._

" _What do you mean?" Alex opens her eyes to look at Piper, but Piper doesn't really meet her gaze._

" _I mean, do you ever think about where do you want to be in the next five years or something like that?" Piper asks and looks into the distance, enjoying the breeze that's cooling off their skin on an unusually warm day in London._

" _Nope, not really kid." Alex says with a chuckle "I don't really think further away than the next five days. And I'm not even sure if I give that thought too much time. I take the days as they come and go from there."_

" _Aren't you scared of not achieving your goals and potential?"_

" _It doesn't matter where you go when you don't care where you end up, Pipes."_

" _But do you really not care?"_

" _Really. Life's too short to worry about the future. You never know if you actually get one. So I just take every day as it comes."_

 _There is silence for a second, as Piper is processing it. She shakes her head lightly before offering Alex her bright smile "Aren't you little Miss Adventure?" Piper teases her and leans down to place a kiss on Alex's lips._

" _You love it" Alex replies in between kisses as they smile widely at each other._

 _And she does. But there's a knot in her stomach that's starting to form, and she knows where it comes from. She knows, deep down, that her WASPy ways and her less-than-adventurous life and personality can be boring for Alex. But she shakes the thoughts off and enjoys the moment. It's at least something she can learn from Alex._

 _In London, Piper also visits the British museum. Alone, since Alex has to work. And somehow, this museum doesn't seem as interesting as the previous one._

* * *

"So, whatcha gonna do, Chapman?" Nicky asks her as they are sitting on the sofa in Piper's office the next day, Piper's head buried between her hands.

"I don't know, Nicky." Her reply is a soft whisper, and her eyes are still peeled to the floor, not moving. "I hate this!" her tone is now loud, and she dips her nails slightly harder into her skull, but knowing already that won't help her find a solution anyways.

"You wanna know what I think?" Nicky says as she sips her coffee and for the first time in a while, Piper finally looks up and says "No", standing up to walk over to her drinks cabinet, pulling out a bottle of fine scotch from it.

"What I think is that you miss her and you want to see her. And you should go there and do that and stop being an idiot. And if it goes to shit, well then, you move on." Nicky concludes with a serious expression and can hear Piper sigh as she pours herself a glass. And then Nicky's expression turns to a grin "And pour me one too, boss, if you don't want me informing anyone that you drink at work."

Piper just rolls her eyes and grabs another glass.

"She literally said nothing in her message. We haven't spoken in forever and the only thing she writes is an invite to her exhibition!" Piper's tone is raising as she forcefully hands the glass to Nicky that laughs at her for it.

"What did you want her to say?" Nicky puts the glass down and straightens up her back, deepening her voice to sound like Alex "Hi Pipes, I know it's been so long but I love you, lets ride off into the sunset together."

Piper's face suddenly softens and she actually laughs, playfully hitting Nicky on the arm.

"How the hell do you know what she sounds like?"

Nicky laughs as well and rubs Piper's shoulder "I've checked out some interviews on YouTube to see what it takes to get into your head so much. You'll be alright, Blondie. And if it's gonna make it easier, I can go with you to the exhibition."

Piper's giving her a wide-eyed look "You'd do that?"

"Didn't you tell me once hot girls go to these things? I'm always up to be where the ladies are."

Piper laughs and playfully rolls her eyes. But her mind processed what this means and is already focused on that something else, and there's a flame flaring up in her stomach and her heart is already beating a bit faster.

1 day, 3 hours and 37 minutes.

* * *

 _They are in Brussels when Piper leaves the room to have a phone call for the first time since the beginning of their little adventure. She could handle talking in front of Alex when telling Larry to stop calling her, or telling Polly to keep Larry away and even that she met someone new. But if there was one person she didn't want Alex to hear her talk to it was her mother. She paced nervously around the bedroom, a string of questions sipping out of Carol before any regular pleasantries were exchanged. Carol never really had the patience for that with Piper._

" _Piper, dear, haven't you already spent enough time travelling around? Don't you think it's time to come back home and continue organizing the wedding?"_

 _Piper rolls her eyes at this, tired of having the same argument with her mother, since even before she left for Europe. She takes a deep breath before talking, trying her best to not let her mother ruin her day._

" _Mother, Larry and me are over. There's no big wedding to plan, it's not happening. I need you to listen carefully and really, really remember this, ok? We are not getting married and I'm still travelling for an unknown period of time. Ok?"_

" _But Piper, Larry is a decent man and you are already at an age where it would make sense to settle down and have kids." Her tone is still flat, probably the thing that annoys Piper the most about her mother: there's no raised voice, there's no emotion in it. It's all robotic almost. Kind of the same as the life she planned for Piper._

" _Mom, give it up already." Her voice is slowly raising, unable to cope differently with Carol Chapman "I'm NOT marrying Larry. Not now, not when I come back, not ever. And I don't know when I'm coming back. And speaking of, I have to leave now, it's kind of late over here. Bye."_

 _She hangs up before letting her mom say anything more, tired of the same argument they've been having for months now. A part of her wants to tell her mom about Alex, tell her that she is seeing a woman, but she knows she wouldn't cope well with it, and despite all their differences, Piper has never stopped seeking approval from her parents._

 _She takes a deep breath before walking out of the room and throwing her phone on the sofa before she turns around and catches Alex looking at her intently, a questioning raise of the eyebrows plastered on her face._

 _The sight makes Piper smile and she walks slowly over to where Alex is sitting in front of her laptop, wrapping her arms around the other woman's neck and kissing her cheek and neck lightly._

" _Sorry babe, my mom called and I didn't want you to be disturbed by the unpleasantness of Carol Chapman." She says in one breath, rubbing her nose against the other woman's cheek, feeling Alex relax to her words._

" _Oh, you were talking to your mom?" she turns around and pushes her chair back, providing enough room for Piper to sit on her lap, her arms still wrapped around Alex's neck as Alex's arms snake around Piper's waist._

" _Yeah, she calls from time to time but usually when you are out working. And it's the same phone call on repeat, she is trying to run my life for me."_

 _The annoyance in Piper's tone is obvious, but Alex just chuckles and captures her lips in a short but delicate kiss._

" _I was worried it was Barry or some other guy you're hiding from me."_

 _Piper laughs wholeheartedly at this, finding Alex's jealous side kind of cute. It hasn't even crossed her mind that the other woman would be worried that Piper might still be in touch with her ex, or any other guy for that matter. The questioning eyebrow raise from before now making more sense to her._

" _Trust me Al, even though I'd rather talk even to him than my own mother you have nothing to worry about. I've got my eyes set on one person only."_

 _Alex smiles so wide at this that Piper feels like her heart will explode at how gorgeous it looks to see the raven-haired woman smile so much and so honestly. Alex pulls her into a kiss and it feels as if all the worry brought up by the call with Carol is slowly fading into nothingness._

 _But then Alex pulls away and looks into her eyes, slowly nudging her to get up from her lap._

" _C'mon babe, let me cook us dinner while you tell me more about your mom and all that. Get it off your chest."_

 _So Piper does exactly that and tells Alex more about who her parents are and how she grew up in secrets and denial (her father's secret affairs, her mom's denial of them). She tells her how her whole life was always planned out and she never rebelled against it, always thinking that's how it should be._

 _She tells Alex that she always wanted to be a writer, but that wasn't a proper career to her parents, so she settles for journalism. And not the very creative one._

 _And it feels so right, and so easy and so comforting to share this with someone who doesn't judge you for it. Someone who just listens intently to what you are saying and then holds your face in both of their hands and says "I think your parents are crazy for not seeing what an amazing woman they have as a daughter. And you Pipes, should just let yourself be, and stop worrying about what anyone else has to say."_

 _It's the first time in her life Piper has felt that someone really sees her. And it feels so right._

* * *

4 hours, 53 minutes

 _Text message_

 _Sender: Nicky_

 _Chapman, just to make sure: are we still going tonight? Did you get in touch with Alex yet?_

 _Sender: Piper_

 _Jesus Nicky, this is the 5_ _th_ _time you asked since this morning! Yes we are going! Don't make me change my mind. And you already know the answer to the other one, since it's also the 5_ _th_ _time you are asking this. See you soon._

39 minutes

She is standing in front of the mirror, her favorite dress on, make up ready. She keeps thinking there is more she can do to look even better tonight, but after considering different make up options or a different dress (with 10 already discarded around her apartment) she thinks better of it and walks into the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling a tequila bottle from it.

"Just one, for the nerves" she whispers to no one really, and shots down a glass. She refills it and does it one more time, and one more, deciding that should be enough for now. She puts the bottle back into the fridge and walks back over to the mirror to fix the lipstick she smudged slightly by holding the shot glass next to her lips. Taking a deep breath in, she checks her phone and orders an Uber. And then waits.

-15minutes

"Nicky, you finally showed up." She is pacing nervously back and forth at the meeting spot she agreed with Nicky, just a few buildings away from the exhibition when the shorter woman shows up. Piper is glad for that decision, because she knew Nicky would be late and pacing around alone in front of Alex's exhibition would be a lot more awkward than this. But when Nicky finally shows up, she feels relief but at the same time a feeling of panic starts creeping into her. _This is it,_ she thinks to herself and that thought alone gets her consumed with all the feelings she kept trying to avoid.

"Keep your panties on, Chapman, we are not that late anyway." Nicky completely disregards Piper's protests but Piper has no time to think about that, her mind only focused on the fact that soon, _very_ soon, she will see Alex again.

They walk into the exhibition, showing their official reporter cards and invites that they got at the office.

"Tell me again, why didn't you get in touch with her to get us on the VIP list?" Nicky asks while grabbing a champagne glass from the tray of a waiter that just walked past them.

"Because, I have no idea what to expect. If things go right, I'll thank her for the invite. If things go wrong, I can pretend I'm here for work."

Nicky down her champagne and spots another guy with a tray just 2 meters away, grabbing for two glasses this time and offering one to Piper, a grin on her face.

"You're gonna need it, boss."

Piper chuckles but takes the offered glass, downing half of it in one big gulp.

Nicky is quickly off to the bar, letting Piper explore on her own for a bit, giving her space but promising to keep her eyes on the blond in case she needs it. Piper's thankful for both of the things.

It feels almost surreal, to stand in a room surrounded by photographs you've seen before. Surrounded by mental images of where and when they were taken. The first one catches Piper by surprise, she hasn't really thought that part through, completely putting it at the very back of her mind that there will be more things, other than Alex, to remind her of the past she has spent the last year trying to forget. _Or hold onto._

And as she looks around, she spots more and more of them, taken in Berlin or London or Stockholm or Oslo or any other place they've been to, walking her down the memory lane against her own will. There are works Alex was paid to do back then, there are some she took in her off time, with Piper by her side. It's those "off time" photographs that stick with Piper the hardest – as if everything in the room fades into background and she is taken back to the exact place, the exact sounds, surroundings, _feelings_ she felt back then and maybe even still now. Unsure of whether she can take too many more of them she walks into another room and it's already at the doors of it that she realizes it _can_ get much worse.

There are photographs she's never seen before, in cities she fails to recognize most of the time. And then it hits her, so strong she almost feels a punch on the face. Being reminded of memories she lived through with Alex was hard, but it was nothing compared to being reminded that there are many memories Alex has made after her. By herself, or even by someone else's side. The thought makes her want to throw up. So instead of going into the room, she turns around at the doors already and starts walking out, needing to get some fresh air.

Nicky spots her and walks after her, finally catching up with the taller woman at the door.

"Blondie, where to? What happened?"

The look in Nicky's eyes in afraid, and Piper knows right away she must look horrible. But she takes a few deep breaths before speaking up finally, only one word rolling from her lips "Cigarette". Nicky hands Piper her pack of smokes and Piper takes one out, and Nicky lights it up for her.

"Thanks. I needed that." She says as she inhales her first smoke in a while, trying to keep the memories of smoking with Alex at bay.

"Would you now tell me what the fuck is going on?" Nicky asks as she lights up her own cigarette "Cause I gotta tell you, that girl I was talking to in there was super hot, and if I had to walk out on her it better be for a good reason."

"I just got overwhelmed. But it's getting better now." Her voice barely above a whisper, as she tries to get her heart to slow down and her brain to work properly, to process and sort through all the emotions that hit her at once just mere minutes before.

They smoke their cigarettes in silence for a bit, Nicky giving Piper space to process whatever it was that overwhelmed her in there. And just as Piper finally relaxed, and the two friends started discussing that short Italian girl Nicky met inside, the door behind them opens and closes soon after and a deep raspy voice says "Thank you" to someone. And Piper knows that voice and can't help but turn around to look at the spot the sound came from.

Her eyes lock with the emerald greens of Alex instantly, a look of surprise on Piper's face and a look of confusion on Alex's. She looks the same as she did a year ago, just more dressed up and Piper assumes it's for the exhibition.

"Piper." is all Alex manages to say and all Piper needs to break out of her trance of staring at her ex girlfriend, not even blinking.

"It's been a while, kid." And in three quick steps Alex is right in front of her and pulling her into a hug, and Piper instinctively puts her arms around her neck, pulling her closer. "Too long" she thinks to herself but doesn't dare say it out loud. They break apart a few seconds later, both smiling at each other. Piper realizes she hasn't yet said anything, but her brain seems empty again and she is not coming up with proper words. So she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind, against her own will and the tightening in her throat "It's really good to see you, Al."

"Well, well, if that isn't the artist herself?" The voice of Nicky Nichols booms through the space and Piper is not sure if she loves her or hates her for speaking up just now.

Alex's eyes dart away from Piper to the shorter woman that is now standing right next to Piper, and extending her hand to her.

"Nicky Nichols. Congrats on the exhibition!"

"Thanks Ms Nichols, glad you are enjoying it." Alex replies in a voice that Piper hasn't heard her use much before, it's polite and cold and she assumes it's how she behaves at her exhibition – after all these people have paid to see her art and she should show some respect to them.

"Anyways, I'll be going back in. Blondie, you know where to find me if you need me." And with a wink, Nicky Nichols was gone back inside and the two women can finally turn their attention back to each other.

"You know her?" Alex asks, and against herself Piper wonders if it really was a look of jealousy she saw in her eyes.

"Yes, we work together. She works at the magazine too."

There are a few seconds of silence before Piper speaks up again "How've you been? And congratulations, this all looks amazing, Al!"

Alex smiles at her before blowing her cigarette smoke out again in perfect rings. "Thanks, Pipes. I'm glad you like it. And I'm doing good, the last few weeks have been hectic with preparing this. How are you?" she finishes the last of her cigarette and throws it to the ground, stepping on it to kill it in one swift movement.

"I'm doing good. Work's been good lately." And Piper realizes she doesn't have too much to say, the past year proving to be related to work and moving to her own flat only.

Alex nods and there's a glint of sadness and hesitance in her eyes and Piper can't quite understand what exactly are those emotions connected to right now. It makes her wonder if even she is able to read them of Alex's face anymore.

"So, have you checked out all of it?" Alex asks casually, motioning with her hand towards the inside of the exhibition.

"No, not yet. But the ones I've seen are really good, you're beyond talented."

"Thanks. Well, let me know how you like it when you check all of them out." Her voice is barely a whisper and it makes Piper think where the shyness is coming from. But before she can give it too much thought Alex speaks up again "So, first time we see each other on American soil. Kinda funny."

They both laugh at this, realizing that they've never been to the US together even though it's where they both come from.

"I haven't even thought of that but you're right." Piper speaks and it feels like the heavy air has lifted from around them and made room for friendly conversations.

"Listen, I'd love to stay and chat but I gotta go back in there, I barely managed to sneak out for this one cigarette…" she lets the end of her sentence linger a bit longer, her eyes trailing down to the floor as Piper rummages her brain for what to say next.

"We should catch up, if you are staying in New York for a bit at least." She knows that Alex can see the pleading in her eyes but she doesn't care. She can't let the moment slip away from her, not now when Alex is finally standing in front of her.

She knows the next chance to talk to Alex might not come for years.

Alex finally looks up and catches her eye "I will be here for a while. You have my number, right?"

"Yeah, I do." Is all Piper says in response, before her face breaks into a huge grin, happiness obvious.

"Then give me a call and we can work out a dinner in the next few days. I'll be here tonight until very late, so if you and your friend are still here we might get a chance to catch up even sooner."

Piper just nods, and Alex turns around to leave. Grabbing the door handle she turns around to look at Piper one more time.

"It's really good seeing you."

And Piper smiles, the fluttering in her stomach becoming too loud not to take notice of it and she is not sure if Alex is mirroring her smile or she's so crazy to convince herself of it. And before she can stop herself, she says "You too, Al. Thanks for inviting me here."

It's been a good run in after all.

* * *

 _They find themselves in Madrid at one point. Alex's career seems to slowly be taking off, but also taking Alex away more often than before. Piper doesn't like it, but in true Chapman fashion she doesn't talk about it, the denial being much easier to work with._

 _In Madrid, they walk around the gorgeous city. They visit Retiro park, never getting bored of just sitting around and drinking wine together, talking._

 _They spend one morning and afternoon in the museums in Paseo del Arte area. They visit all the three museums there before moving on to a bar. They drink sangria and enjoy the Spanish tapas. They talk to people and Alex is impressed with the fact Piper speaks some basic Spanish. They get tipsy, or a bit more than tipsy, before they decide its time to go back to their hotel. The air is still warm, even though its 4 in the morning, but the breeze is finally there, refreshing the crazy-hot Spanish September day. The people are still on the streets, loudly chatting to each other and drinking beer. The music is still loud from the nearby clubs as well, making the atmosphere so easy to get caught up into. And it pulls them in so easily, that they can't stop giggling while they walk down the street, hand in hand. Alex trying to sing the lyrics to the random song in Spanish she just heard coming from one of the bars, both of them laughing at her horrible Spanish and even more horrible singing._

" _Al, please stop. I really like the language!" Piper speaks through laughter and Alex joins her._

 _And they get caught up in the fit of giggles, Alex still trying to unsuccessfully sing a song she doesn't even know and Piper just laughing at her._

 _And then out of nowhere Alex stops in her tracks, turning to face Piper and stopping their movement. For a second Piper is scared that something is wrong, but then Alex gently lays a hand on her cheek, giggling completely gone and replaced with a small smile._

" _I love you, Pipes. You know that?"_

 _Her smile is timid and Piper is sure she has never seen Alex this shy before. So she leans in and plants a kiss on her lips, holding onto the hem of her shirt. The kiss is slow and gentle, as if both women are trying to get their emotion across to the other one, making it deliciously clear what they mean by it. And Piper just slowly pulls her lips away, her face still just inches from Alex's and whispers "I love you too."_

 _And Alex's lips crash on hers again, as she smiles into the kiss so widely that Piper thinks that maybe, just maybe, she could be the one to make Alex happy._

* * *

After the run-in with Alex, Piper has an easier time going through the exhibition, the mixed emotions still present but the feeling of drowning gone. Nicky is by her side this time, making sure she doesn't do something stupid.

"Chapman, stop eye-fucking her so much. I can see you and I'm sure half of this room can as well." Nicky speaks without even looking at Piper and Piper just smirks at it.

"I can't help it. She has this hold on me. You haven't seen her too close with any women, have you Nick?"

"For the 3rd time, Chapman, I haven't. Jesus Christ, you really like drama."

"I don't, I just want to make sure I don't make a complete idiot out of myself. So if we stay for the after party, I need to know that she won't be introducing me to a girlfriend or whatever, you know? It would be too weird." Piper's rambling as usual, not even noticing that Nicky's eyes are glued to something else at first until Nicky finally speaks up.

"I don't think you have to worry about that, Blondie."

And Piper finally follows Nicky's gaze, her eyes falling on a photograph on the wall. There's a huge window on it and perfect blue skies can be seen through it. There's a woman with her back turned and she looks so relaxed that it's easy to assume she is asleep, her blond hair messily spread over the pillow. You can't see her face, but it's obvious to both Nicky and Piper that it's Piper herself, bed sheets tangled around her legs, her upper body naked, but only her back visible.

"Chapman, that's you right?" Nicky asks just to confirm and turns to look at Piper that still hasn't moved or said a word.

"Yeah, it's me. I don't remember her showing this photo to me ever. But this… this is Madrid, I'm sure."

She is still in awe and the words are coming out slowly as she walks towards the photo to give it a closer look, Nicky following closely behind.

There' a silent tear going down her cheek and a wide smile on her face at the same time. And she feels like all the mixed emotions she felt so far are nothing compared to what hit her right now, when she read the name of the photograph.

 _My own vanilla sky._

And the beating of her heart tells her that maybe, just maybe, she can still be the one to make Alex happy.

* * *

A/N There it is. This time I do plan to update sooner, for real. Please review/fav/follow and let me know what you think of it so far. Thanks!


	4. Missing

A/N I always take forever to post, sorry about that. I've been travelling a bit too much last two months and switching jobs so had even less time but I hope the update makes up for it. Thanks to everyone that reads, follows, reviews, favs this fic, I'm really grateful for your support and for enjoying reading it. Without much addo, on to it…

* * *

 _My heart is beating in a different way_

 _Been gone such a long time and I feel the same_

 _Will you miss me? When there's nothing to see_

 _Tell me how did this come to be_

 _And now there's no hope for you and me_

It's a nerve-wrecking thing, standing at the exhibition and flicking eyes between the time on her phone, the people _finally_ leaving the place and Alex. Always falling back to looking at Alex. Alex talking to journalists, Alex sipping her champagne, Alex smiling at the people she talks to, Alex laughing at whatever is going on in the conversation she is having. She catches Alex look at her a few times and when their eyes lock Alex offers her a smile and Piper tries her hardest to contain the huge grin she wants to give back to Alex, and stop at a shy smile instead.

She barely manages.

"Chapman, it's getting boring watching you drool there, I got us some more drinks to survive this nightmare." Nicky comes with two new flutes of champagne, extending one over to Piper who gratefully takes it, sipping right away from it.

"Have you figured out what you want to say to her?" Nicky asks in between gulps of champagne, looking at Piper intently.

Piper's gaze flickers over to Alex briefly before returning back to Nicky "I just want to ask her about the photo there and… I don't know, just talk to her I guess."

"And fuck her brains out if possible?" there's a smirk plastered on Nicky's face as Piper tries to hide hers that developed a light pink blush.

"It's alright, Blondie, Stretch over there _is_ totally fuckable so can't blame you for that."

"Nicky! Stop it, seriously. Look, I don't know what's going to happen and I don't want to overthink it. I just want to talk to her for now. But I probably wouldn't mind doing other stuff with her later. I can't help it, she gives me unholy thoughts."

Nicky snickers at this and then full-blown laughs "Unholy? Boss, we need to work on your wording choice if you want to keep the career in journalism."

Piper laughs along with Nicky, feeling herself finally relax a bit. But it's short lived as she releases a long deep breath, realizing that time to talk to Alex will come soon as the number of people at the gallery has drastically reduced. "Let's have a cigarette, please" is all she tells Nicky as she downs her champagne and starts walking towards the entrance, a nervous feeling of anticipation playing loudly in her stomach.

"Didn't know you became a full-time smoker." She hears a raspy voice behind her, the voice she would recognize anywhere but the wicked grin on Nicky's face confirms it even more strongly. She turns around slowly, as if afraid of breaking the moment and gives Alex a smile "A social one only. And social cigarettes can't kill you."

They share a laugh, over the memory of Piper always saying social smoking is like not smoking at all and then Nicky jumps in with "Depends how social you are, boss" and a wiggle of eyebrows in Piper's direction.

Piper just glares at her, hoping Nicky won't make a comment that would embarrass her in front of Alex.

"You seem to be a very social one, Ms Nichols."

"Nah, I'm just a good old-fashioned smoker. Addicted to this thing for 15 years now, socially and not socially. And please, call me Nicky."

Alex smiles at this and nods, and Piper just looks at her with a small smile playing on her lips. Maybe it's the drinks or maybe it's the warm summer evening weather, but seeing Alex and Nicky somewhat connect fills her heart with joy. She turns her attention to Alex, wanting to keep her around a while longer, not even noticing that Nicky slowly turned her attention to some journalists from other magazines that have showed up as well.

"Happy with how the night went?"

"Yeah. I mean, a lot of people showed up, and they seem to really like my work so that's good. I'm still waiting to see how things turn out in the next few days but so far it's a good start." Alex replies with a smile and takes a long drag of her cigarette, her eyes not leaving Piper's.

"How've you been, Al?" the nickname falls out of her lips with such ease, before she can rethink if it's okay to still call Alex that. She sees Alex's lips curve up into a tiny smile and that puts her mind to rest.

"I've been good. Working a lot, travelling a lot. The usual. You?"

"Been working at the magazine since I got back. Things have been good there so I can't complain."

"Your parents still giving you a hard time?"

Piper just shrugs at this "They try to. But I don't really let them anymore. My mom keeps trying to marry me off, I keep ignoring her. So it works, somewhat."

"Glad to hear you're standing up for yourself, Pipes."

"I learnt from the best, you know?" she replies and they both smile warmly at each other.

Piper knows what she wants to talk to Alex about, but doesn't know how to start or what to say exactly. She plays nervously with her fingers and then lets one hand go through her hair, taking a deep breath before settling on the words she wants to get out finally.

"And Alex, I saw _it_. The photo of me. I… I didn't even know you took it and now it's there and… and I don't know what to say or how to even behave about it. And I'm confused as hell right now so just... just fucking tell me what this all means?"

And before either one of them says anything, there is a third voice, a voice Piper doesn't recognize calling Alex's name.

"Alex! I've been looking all over for you. Emilia wants to say goodbye before she leaves and some journalists are looking for a chance to snap some photos of the two of you."

And all of a sudden the girl's lips are on the exposed part of Alex's shoulder, giving it a light kiss and Piper can feel it burn her own skin. Alex's eyes don't leave Piper even for a second and she doesn't even move, but the girl is already tugging her hand to take her back inside.

"Piper…" is all Alex manages to say before the other girl stops her motions and stares at the two of them confused.

"It's ok, Alex. Just go. Don't let Emilia wait." Is all Piper manages to say, her voice flat and looking Alex dead in the eye, not moving or making an effort to say anything else, not even a goodbye.

And with that, the girl tugs Alex away once more and two of them disappear inside the gallery, with Alex looking back at Piper that stands rooted at the spot, trying her best not to look at Alex for the first time that night but feeling Alex's eyes burn into her skull. Piper just stands there, staring at the spot Alex stood at, a whirlwind of emotions playing inside of her, none of them making any sense. If Alex has a new girlfriend, why would she share the photo of her at the gallery? She has so many questions she wants to ask Alex, so many insults she wants to throw her way for misleading her, so many feelings in her stomach she wants to get rid of, but despite it all, she knows with certainty that Alex Vause is the best thing she ever lost.

"Piper, you ok?" Nicky's voice pulls her out from her trance and she stares at her friend for a second, recollecting her thoughts.

"I don't know, Nick. I just… I don't know." She let her head hang from her shoulders, the feeling of defeat stronger than a year ago when she left Alex.

Nicky wraps a protective arm around her shoulder and it feels good to have someone by her side. She realizes it's the first time she had someone by her side with everything that ever happened with Alex and she lets herself lean into Nicky's shoulder.

"Do you know that girl?" Nicky asks, trying to figure out the situation.

"I've never seen her before. I might have seen her talk to Alex for a bit inside but I didn't pay too much attention. But seems like Alex knows her quite well. _All of her_ quite well." The last part comes out more bitter than she intended it to and Nicky steps in front of her, putting both of her hands on Piper's shoulders.

"Listen, I know it's a lot to process right now and definitely not the way you saw this night going. But I saw the way Alex looks at you and let me tell you, you're not the only one with unholy thoughts there. So, cool down and try to talk to her, okay?"

Nicky slowly removes her arms from Piper's shoulders, sticking her hands into her pocket to get another cigarette.

"I think I'm gonna go home. You wanna do a short interview with her or should we send someone else to do it in the next few days of the exhibition?" her voice is flat, defeated.

"You're giving up way too easily on this one. But alright, if you want to go home, sulk and not do anything about it – fine."

There's annoyance in Nicky's tone that she hasn't heard before and she knows her behavior is childish but she can't seem to be able to do it any other way.

"You're right. I'm gonna go to a bar near by, get drunk, fuck someone and forget this little encounter ever happened. Alex has obviously moved on and inviting me here was her way of rubbing it in my face, making me pay for leaving her. Well, I'm glad someone is keeping her bed warm. Maybe I should do the same." Her tone gets sharper and more bitter with every sentence, her anger towards Alex raising more and more.

"I'm saying this one last time: you are not going anywhere. Let's see how it plays out and if you turn out to be right – I'll keep your bed warm." Nicky wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

"Nick, I can't go back in there. I might smack a bitch. So I'll just go and get drunk. And you can do the interview, or not, but I'm out. I'll see you on Monday."

And with that Piper turns around and leaves, without looking back.

* * *

 _Piper is pissed. No, Piper is furious. They were supposed to spend the day together. They had it all planned, from the places to go to in Lisbon to things to do. Piper had planned to make breakfast in bed for Alex, she made reservations at an expensive restaurant for dinner, she had booked a tour about the city too. But, she was being told, at 11pm of the previous day, that Alex has to work. That something came up and can't be delayed. That she is sorry._

" _What the actual fuck, Alex? I've been spending time alone here for a while now. We were supposed to finally spend the day together tomorrow, but here you are, arriving 2 hours late, again, telling me that something came up?" she is yelling, she knows she is, but for the first time in her whole life she feels the need to let her emotions out._

" _I'm sorry, Piper. But I really need to do this and it could end up being huge for me. Why can't you fucking understand?"_

 _Piper lets an angry chuckle out "Seriously? I've been fucking understanding for a while now. But now we even made plans but you can't make it." She finishes her sentence in almost a whisper, powerlessly shrugging, realization of how she can't seem to be a strong opponent to photography in Alex's life hitting her fully. How she might already be boring for Alex. It seems to have an effect on Alex, both of them finally stopping the pacing and just looking at each other from a few feet away._

" _I'm sorry, Pipes. I know I've been working a lot lately, but I'm finally getting somewhere with it. The guys I'm doing the shoot with tomorrow told me they might be interested in doing more with me. This could be a huge opportunity." Alex was by now smiling, that smile that always melts Piper's heart and doesn't let her stay upset for too long. Alex was slowly approaching her girlfriend, raising her eyebrows in a way of asking for permission and then Piper cracked a tiny little smile back, and that was enough. Alex pulled her into a hug and they stayed like that for a couple of minutes._

 _When they pulled back Piper finally spoke "I love you and I want what's best for you. Good luck tomorrow." Before giving her a quick peck on the lips._

 _And the knot just kept getting stronger, even though she refused to admit it to herself._

 _The next day she woke up to an empty bed, two tickets and a note occupying Alex's pillow._

 **Hey kid, how about I make up for this day by taking you away for a long weekend? Just the two of us and no work, I promise. Can't wait to see you tonight. xx, Al**

 _Piper smiled and pulled out the tickets: a long weekend in Seville sounded like a good redemption._

 _Maybe, just maybe, she was good enough for Alex._

* * *

One tequila.

Two tequilas.

Three tequilas.

Each one finished off in seconds, with a loud bang against the bar surface.

"One more." She tells the bartender as she gestures him to pour it quickly but the bartender shakes his head and tells her that she should take it slowly.

It hits her then that she already had a few glasses of champagne and some shots at home and that maybe he is right so she nods her head in agreement as he walks off to serve another customer.

The drinks hit her quickly as she sits and stares into the distance, the events of the evening playing on repeat in her head: seeing Alex again, the portrayal of their love in Madrid, talking to Alex again, someone else's lips on her gorgeous shoulder.

She feels the need to grab another tequila but doesn't, happy for being able to know better still.

Her phone rings and she looks into it and sees that it's Nicky. She ignores it, once and then twice and when it starts ringing the third time she yells a "What?" into the phone.

"Woaaaah, relax there Blondie. Where are you?" Nicky's voice echoes through her ear as she tries her best to stay seated.

"At a bar. What do you want Nick?"

She rolls her eyes at how childishly Nicky treats her.

"Which bar, boss? I'm coming to pick you up."

"Why?"

"Because I'm sure you've had more to drink and I don't want you doing anything stupid. Just text me the address, all right?"

Piper knows she's had enough to drink over the course of the last 5 or so hours. She also knows she should go home so she doesn't do anything stupid. But on the other hand, she wants to do something stupid and prove to Alex, but maybe even more herself, that she has moved on. That she too can fuck someone else. That she can have fun.

But she doesn't do that, and goes with the safe option.

"Alright, I'm texting you the address in a second." She tells Nicky and goes to hang up, but adds as an after thought "Did you talk more to Alex?" not even knowing what kind of answer she would like to get.

"Sure did, finished the interview off. It's work stuff, we can talk on Monday. Now text me the address and I'll see you soon."

She shoots the text over to Nicky and decides to wait it out with a coffee and some food. The bartender gives her a weird look, but provides her with crisps and the coffee she asked for, still not saying anything.

* * *

 _She knows she has to leave._

 _Somewhere in the pit of her stomach she knows Alex and her don't have a future together._

 _Alex loves her job more than anything else in the world and Piper can't cope with that. As soon as that realization became too real to handle, she has been figuring out how to leave finally. She has thought over and over again what to say to Alex and how to make this as easy as possible on the both of them._

 _Seville was a great trip, and it felt just like the old days when they were carefree and happy and so in love. They walked around and explored the city and had great tapas and sangria. They laughed and held hands and snuggled so close to each other. They cuddled and talked on their first day there, promising not to let their relationship suffer like it did by that point in time. They kissed and held each other and made love, punctuating on the promises made._

 _They were happy. They were in love. And it was beautiful._

 _But the days ticked by and even though the promise was kept even back in Lisbon, when they reached Paris things have went back to how they were and the feeling of not being good enough for Alex returned._

 _Sitting at the beach at Cannes all by herself became boring, so she went back to their room, deciding to wait for Alex there. To finally have that painful conversation._

 _The doors unlock and she hears a "hey babe" thrown her way. Alex comes in with a smile plastered on her face, giving Piper a quick peck on the lips._

" _How was your day?" Alex asks as she positions herself on the bed so that she can wrap her arms around Piper and pull her closer to herself._

" _Boring." Piper replies and Alex pulls her even closer to herself._

" _I'm sorry babe. But now I'm here, what do you want to do?"_

 _She kisses Piper's temple and her scent hits Pipers nostrils, consuming her thoughts immediately._

 _And the maybe gets back into her head again._

 _Alex kisses her cheek and her jaw and throat and her lips and Piper is already so consumed by her and her tenderness and her presence that she just moves her body around so that she can kiss Alex too, cupping her face and passionately grabbing her lips with her own._

 _And maybe, just maybe, she is good enough for Alex. All other thoughts already discarded in the back of her mind somewhere, cause Alex is here and she is kissing her and there's nothing she will do to stop that._

* * *

The chair next to her gets occupied and she turns her head to look at the person next to her, hopeful to see Nicky finally. And it's not Nicky but the face is familiar anyway.

"Didn't think I'd see you again so soon." The guy speaks to her and after a moment she remembers finally where she knows him from – the bar from the other day.

"Hey there Luke." She replies, mostly happy that she remembers his name. "And I thought New York is so big you rarely meet people twice by accident in different bars."

He laughs, his perfect white teeth in full display. They start chatting, about anything and nothing really and he keeps her smiling and she feels herself sobering up slowly, the company and lack of alcohol helping greatly with it.

Piper feels herself laugh, not even sure where that sound came from after how she's been feeling, the whole evening that turned into a whirlwind of mixed emotions and changes.

"Wanna get out of here?" he says at one point, gently striking her arm.

"Lets have a smoke outside." She replies, buying herself some time to figure out what she wants. He guides her out by holding her hand, and she realizes already then that his hold is just not as soft as Alex's, his hand doesn't fit hers like Alex's used to.

She shakes the thoughts away, forcing herself to remember that Alex doesn't want her anymore. That after all, she wasn't good enough for her.

As they step out she pulls out the pack of cigarettes she got from Nicky before leaving the gallery and her mind goes back to wondering when her best friend will finally show up. Luke lights up her cigarette, in all his gentleman fashion and then takes the lighter over to light his own.

"Didn't peg you for a smoker."

"I'm not. I'm just drunk-smoking right now. Doesn't count." she replies with a smile and he laughs at it and maybe it's just the drunken state of her clouded mind but she laughs along and immediately notices his body getting closer to hers, one of his hands leaning on the wall behind her. He is not trying to kiss her yet, but he is checking out the territory. She turns her head around in the other direction, just for a millisecond.

And everything stops.

Right there in front of her is Alex, looking at the two of them with the most unreadable expression on her face.

"Alex" comes out of Piper's lips like a whisper, and Alex walks over closer to them.

"Piper." She replies firmly and gives Luke a look "Buddy, could you give us some space to talk?"

He tries to protest but her gaze is firm and Piper is not even looking at him anymore so he just walks away, stubbing his cigarette down and walking back into the bar.

"What… What are you doing here?" Piper finally finds her voice, barely.

"I was talking to Nicky and I wanted to talk to you so I asked her to find out where you are. Sorry it took me a bit to get here, leaving my own exhibition was a bit harder than I expected" she laughs humorlessly and Piper just keeps staring at her from where she is leaning on the wall, the cigarette in her hand almost forgotten.

Piper's temper is rising and she is suddenly realizing it's her chance to ask Alex about the other girl "Why did you want to talk to me? You seemed very busy with someone else at the gallery? Why, why the fuck did you even invite me to come over? To show me your new girlfriend? That's very classy of you Alex!"

She is yelling, she knows she is but she can't keep it in anymore. Alex is still not moving, not speaking, letting Piper vent for a second.

"She is not my… Jesus. Alright, I've been seeing Amelie for a month or so now. But she is not my girlfriend. She's just a fling."

"You bring all your flings to trips all over the world I see"

The spite in Piper's voice is still high and even though a piece of her feels better that the girl is no one important to Alex, she is still upset.

"You dumped me! Why the hell are you upset right now?" Alex yells back finally, and it takes Piper by surprise as she sees Alex walking closer to her. "I loved you and you left to come back to the States. I suffered and then realized I have to move on somehow. So what gives you the right to be upset with me for doing just that?"

There's not much space between the two of them left, and Piper feels trapped in the corner of the wall she was leaning on, Alex towering over her, rage evident in her eyes.

"Because I never stopped loving you."

It comes out as a whisper, barely audible to anyone but the two of them. She sees the change in Alex's eyes after she tells her how she feels and it feels almost like the world has stopped and the time has stopped and it's just the two of them.

And then Alex is leaning in, dangerously close and she can feel the whiskey on Alex's breath.

And Piper's heart is beating so, so incredibly fast and Alex is kissing her.

* * *

One more chapter to go, and I will hopefully post it much sooner than this one. I'm not too happy with this chapter, my writing seems to be a bit off, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Thanks again to everyone that still hasn't given up on reading this! Looking forward to your reviews and follows!


	5. Rebuilding (in Brooklyn)

_I'm horrible, I know. Sounds like a cliché but life got in the way. In a good way tho._

 _But I'm back to finish this story off. There will be at least one more chapter after this one, I think after such a long time my inspiration went slightly differently than I intended it to._

 _Hope you enjoy reading it and thanks for all the love you've given this fic over time. And thanks for sticking around._

 _Happy New Years everyone, may it be wonderful for all of you._

* * *

 _There's all those places we used to go_

 _And I suspect you already know_

 _But that place on memory lane you like still looks the same_

 _But something about it's changed_

* * *

" _I'm sorry." was all Piper manages to say in that moment._

 _Alex is still looking at her in disbelief, a mix of sadness and anger clear in her eyes._

 _It takes moments of silence that feel like eternity before either one of them speaks again._

" _Come with me." Piper finally says, her eyes wide in hope. Hope that throwing Alex's own words from when they first met back at her would help and keep them together. She takes a step closer towards Alex, stopping when their bodies are mere inches apart._

" _Come with me to New York. You can build your career there and…"_

 _The words are stuck in her throat as Alex is already shaking her head, killing the last bit of hope Piper had for them._

" _This is my life, Piper. It doesn't have a place, I don't have a place either. I thought you knew that." Her voice is barely above a whisper, the finality of the moment slowly becoming too real to handle. She pushes the base of her palms into her eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling and Piper feels like her heart is about to physically break into pieces._

 _There's a single tear rolling down Piper's cheek "I thought you loved me and that your place is with me. I guess I was wrong."_

" _Please don't leave." Alex whispers and looks over her palms into Piper's eyes, without even any hope left in them._

" _You know I have to. You of all people should know that this is not a job opportunity I can let slip. I can't be just your girlfriend forever, following you around, I need to build my own life too."_

" _So, this is it?"_

 _They are both crying now, not even trying to hide it. Piper presses her forehead into Alex's and they stare into each other's eyes through tears._

" _I love you." Piper feels the need to still say it out loud, to make sure Alex knows even though it won't change a thing between them, not now._

 _And then Alex is kissing her._

 _It's slow, almost agonizingly slow, as if both of them just want the moment to last for as long as possible._

 _And then Piper pulls away, holds Alex's face in her hands for a few seconds before she turns around and leaves._

 _And they can both hear their hearts breaking as the door behind Piper closes._

* * *

Almost as quickly and as surprisingly as their kiss started, it has also ended.

Alex pulls back, almost forcefully and puts her arms up, making sure the space between her and Piper can't be reduced.

"I can't do this." is all she says as she looks away into a different direction and takes another step back, as if to make sure she is out of Piper's reach.

It takes a few seconds for Piper to process everything that just happened, from yelling to kissing to Alex pulling away from her before she can compose herself enough to say anything "Why, Alex?"

She takes a step closer but Alex's face is by now firm and determined, she remembers it well enough, and she knows she won't change her mind.

"It's been a year, Piper, since the last time I saw you. You're drunk out of your mind. There's…" she pauses as if she is not sure if she should speak and inhales a deep breath before continuing "There's someone waiting for me at my fucking hotel room and I told her I won't be long."

Piper immediately looks down to the ground, unable to look at Alex as she tells her she belongs to someone else.

"You said she wasn't your girlfriend." is what Piper manages to get out, desperation sipping out of her voice.

Alex just chuckles at this as she looks away "And she's not. But she is still here with me and for me, and I can't bring myself to just disappear on her for a drunken night with you. She doesn't deserve that."

Piper nods, reluctantly and it might be the first time in a year that she realizes Alex doesn't belong to her anymore. All those months of separation, but it's only now, only minutes after their last kiss that she realizes Alex doesn't belong to her. That Alex belongs to someone else. _Kind of._

As Piper doesn't say anything, Alex gets her phone out "Let me get you an Uber kid, you should probably get some sleep. Still the same address?" at this she finally looks up at Piper, and only then notices the tears rolling silently down her cheeks.

As Piper catches her eye, she quickly wipes her tears away and after a long, dragged out breath replies "Yeah, still the same address. Thank you."

"Listen, Pipes, I meant it when I said we should meet up and talk. But I'm not doing that now, not when you're drunk."

At this Piper finally fixes her eyes on Alex and takes a step closer "Alex, no matter how drunk I am, I know what I feel for you. What I never stopped feeling for you."

As her Uber pulls up, Alex opens the doors for her and gives her a quick hug, that's barely even a hug.

The last thing Piper sees as her car is driving away is that Alex is on the phone, and even from a distance she still recognizes that look of guilt on her face.

* * *

Headache.

Her day starts with such a massive pounding in her head, that it takes a while before the images of the night before: the gallery, the shoulder-kiss, _the kiss,_ the sorta fight all come back to her.

And then all that's felt is heartache.

It's two hours of agonizing over "get up or give up" for Piper before she drags herself out of bed and heads to the kitchen to get some water. The next hour she's just running on autopilot: long, dragged out shower, coffee, some basic food to avoid dying of hunger, fresh orange juice.

But then there's nothing else she can do on autopilot, and Piper finds herself standing in the middle of her living room, frozen in spot for a couple of moments while deciding what to do next.

She grabs her phone and starts going through the names in her address book. Her finger stops at "Nicky" but she quickly changes her mind, aware that her friend will only make it worse and force her into talking about it.

She then scrolls down to Polly's name, even though it's been a while that they haven't seen each other and as she is debating with herself if she should message her old friend or not, a text message interrupts her thoughts.

" _Feeling good? How did it go last night with Vause?"_

She sighs heavily and plops down on the couch, throwing the phone on the coffee table in the process.

She doesn't have it in her to deal with Nicky, but all thoughts of ignoring the ache in her heart are now fully gone as just the mention of her name has put Alex to the front of her thoughts.

There isn't an inch of Piper that doesn't desperately want to call her. To apologize for the way she was the night before and to _beg_ Alex to stay with her, to never spend a day apart anymore because the agonizing pain that has returned will not be silenced by endless hours of work anymore.

Not when she finally knows what she's lost.

She grabs her phone from the table and opens up her messages, clicking on the number that belongs to Alex, but instead of the invitation to the exhibition, it's all the previous messages, from a time long gone that catch her attention.

It's the string of " _I love you_ " and _"I miss you_ " and " _I need you_ " and " _Please pick up the phone_ " that catch her off guard and make her heart break even more.

It's the last " _Goodbye, Piper."_ from 8 months ago that breaks that final ounce of togetherness she still managed to have.

So Piper breaks down and cries. And it feels like a breakup all over again.

* * *

It's another few hours and a nap in between before Piper manages to pull herself together.

It's another 3 messages from Nicky and a missed call from her mom that awaits her as she finally dares to look at her phone.

At least she is glad she missed one of those.

And it's a " _fucking fight for her for fucks sake."_ from Nicky that changes it all.

And on a completely different mode of autopilot she shoots Alex a text, just to say thank you for getting me into an Uber and let me take you out for dinner.

No overthinking, no long-winded messages.

She throws the phone on the couch and doesn't really dare look at it, entertaining herself with her first decent meal of the day prep. Anything really, for as long as she's far away enough to not even hear it vibrate.

But curiosity gets the best out of her pretty quickly and she finds herself shyly looking at the phone, repeating "no expectations" in her head like a mantra.

But there're a few messages from Alex looking back at her on her home screen and she almost drops her phone as she is in the hurry to unlock it.

 _Hope you got home fine and managed to sleep it off._

 _Feeling better?_

 _I've already got some dinner plans tonight. Want to meet tomorrow for a quick coffee?_

With her heart beating hard against her chest, she manages to pick up the important info: _she cares how I'm feeling, she wants to meet up_. It's the _**quick**_ in that coffee agreement that drives her enthusiasm down, but she'll take whatever she can get from Alex at this point. There's no other option anymore.

* * *

She's taken the longer route to the coffee shop after realizing she will arrive way too early and seem desperate. It was still 28 minutes too early when she reached the coffee shop, so she took a walk around the block to kill some time before walking into it.

She takes a small detour to Brooklyn flea market, to kill some time and keep an eye on the coffee shop they agreed to meet at, right across the street from it.

She hasn't visited this one since she got back, feeling it as a constant reminder of so many yard sales and flea markets she visited with Alex, taking photographs of people around them. Alex always the best way to understand a culture and vibe of the city is to go where _"the people are the most free to be themselves – and that's cheap shopping and (cheap) bars"._

She wonders around looking at handmade jewelry for a bit, then switches to tote bags and furniture until her eyes are set on the place with a huge record store collection, reminding her of Alex again. She kept buying records wherever she want, for her collection "back home" that she " _can't wait to show Piper when they go to US together"._ It makes her heart ache a bit, but she manages to keep her cool as she walks over to look at the records.

She only goes through a few before she reaches Low by David Bowie, which puts a giant smile on her face. She still remembers Alex dancing around in nothing but her panties and her worn out The Doors shirt, that she later learned belonged to Diane, singing "Be my wife". She also remembers multiple times it led to sex.

"I hear that's a great song for seducing women." a voice she knows too well speaks into her ear. And Piper can swear she can feel every inch of her skin light up with that raspy voice in her ear.

She turns around slowly and smiles "I can't say I wasn't seduced by it before, so I guess that confirms your theory."

Alex puts her hand on her heart in mock surprise "Such a nice blond lady like you? I have a hard time imagining that."

They're both smiling ear to ear by now, and Piper is not sure if it's the fact that all those memories are better when discussed with Alex or the fact they fell into an easy banter so quickly or just Alex's closeness or all of that, but she can't wipe that smile off her face.

She doesn't want to either so she rolls with it, waving the record around "I know, surprised me too. I guess I'm as easily impressed, like an old friend of mine called Paris."

They both laugh at this and somehow, Piper feels so much lighter already.

Alex takes the record from her hands and inspects it slowly "Some things are much easier to find in the good old America." before placing it back into it's spot among other records and continuing "Should we go over to that coffee place?"

Piper thinks for a moment and looks around her "Actually, I'd like to hang around here if you don't mind." But then she stumbles over her words "I mean, we can also go to the coffee shop and stay there, whatever you prefer, I really-"

Alex's finger is on her lips, signaling for her to shut up "We can stay here." is all she says before offering a small smile to Piper.

"Okay." Piper replies as she looks around happily.

There's everything and anything at the market, but after a short walk around the vendors, the two decide to grab their drinks and sit at the small steps in the corner of it. They grab two coffees and two lemonades and make their way over to the stairs, maintaining a safe distance between themselves and the music at the place, not wanting to disturb the peaceful bubble they managed to create.

Alex takes out her camera and snaps a few photos as soon as they take a seat, making Piper smile again.

"I see you haven't changed."

"Not really, I'm pretty consistent."

Piper takes a moment to appreciate her beauty – not just her absolute hotness, but also how beautiful Alex looks when she is engrossed into what she is doing. How her eyes sparkle as she is fully immersed into her camera and finding that perfect shot. How absolutely magnificent her passion for what she is doing is.

She tends to keep aside the part where that very passion drove them apart.

"Where are you off to after New York?" Piper finally asks, afraid to get to the question she is really interested in asking _How long will you be here._

Alex drops her camera next to her "Going to LA for a bit and then… I don't know. Things are not exactly clear after that."

Piper can't help but notice a tiny break in Alex's voice and the words are out of her mouth before she gets to think about it "Everything fine?"

As soon as they are out she hopes she didn't overstep any invisible boundaries this friendly afternoon has imposed on them.

"Yeah, everything's fine. It's just that the work's been so hectic for so long that I feel like I need a break. I need to find my inspiration and excitement about it again. I feel like I've been taking pictures of so many places, I don't even know where to look anymore."

A smile she can't suppress fully plays on Piper's lips "Well, you haven't really tried _here_ have you?"

The look on Alex's face shifts threatening and tired at the same time, and the way she just says "Piper." is determined and clear enough for Piper not to ask additional questions, but she just mutters a barely-above-a-whisper apology before turning around to look at the two teenagers skating around just a few steps away.

It's Alex that breaks the silence this time "Your colleague from last night, she seems pretty cool."

"Nicky? Yeah, she is amazing. When she is not getting on my nerves, which is everyday."

"You two seem close."

"We are. She is probably the best friend I have around here. Things with Polly have never been that great after I came back from Europe and Nicky is just… Nicky. She's smart and funny as hell and she tells things you don't want to hear. You'd like her."

"Sounds like a good friend."

"She is."

Piper gets up and walks over to dump their cups into a container near by, racking through her brain about how to continue this conversation, to make sure it doesn't just end, but by the time she comes back and before she even sits fully down, Alex is already talking.

"Listen, Pipes… I've really had fun with you today. I'm glad we did this."

"Me too."

"Let's just… let's just forget everything that happened two days ago and take it from here. It's been so long since I talked to you and I did miss it. Let's not get heavy on each other, alright?"

Piper nods. She is not even sure if that's what she really wanted to do or it's an involuntary reaction of her body to say yes to what Alex asks from her, but then she sees Alex smile at her and in that moment, she is just happy she's the reason behind that reaction, and everything else falls into the background.

Alex extends her hand out to Piper to shake it and with a giggle Piper accepts it.

"Piper." She says as she looks into Alex's eyes.

"Aphrodite, nice to meet you."

"Ass."

And they both burst into laughter, the kind of laughter Piper doesn't really remember sharing with anyone since she left Alex: the kind that just comes out of you and there's warmth spreading inside your body and even though you can't see it, you know your eyes are sparkling with joy.

And right now, it feels like enough.

* * *

For the next two weeks, they meet up a few more times. They chat, casually, they don't stay together for too long but it makes Piper happier than most things in her life for the past year have.

Nicky burdens her with questions constantly and gives her weird looks when a message from Alex makes her phone beer in the office, but Piper doesn't care. Except that one time when she snapped and told Nicky to stop asking her questions as she doesn't have answers to them herself. Nicky did stop, and Piper appreciates her efforts so much.

It feels so much easier to just stay in the bubble they created at the flea market.

* * *

"Killer view, Chapman."

They're at the rooftop of Piper's flat, overlooking most of Manhattan in the distance, admiring the city lights and appreciating the somewhat quietness being in Brooklyn at that moment offers.

They're sharing a joint, something they haven't done together in the longest time. Piper sees it as another step forward.

"I love my place here. After being in Europe so long, I couldn't get used to Manhattan again. I was annoyed by constant feeling of being crowded, by tall buildings, by all the time having to wait around… I think I came to the age where I prefer it from far away."

Alex simply nods and stays silent, taking a long drag of the joint into her lungs.

As she exhales the smoke she hands the joint over to Piper "And you've apparently found some decent weed here."

Piper stays leaned onto the edge of the rooftop, her back turned to Manhattan and towards Alex as she smiles "That's thanks to Nicky. She's a Manhattan kid, but she can help you in any neighborhood really."

"Cheers to Nicky" Alex speaks as she lifts up her beer bottle and clings it against Pipers' that's placed on the fence wall of the rooftop.

Alex looks down to the ground for a moment before her eyes lock on Piper's again "So, I'm off to LA on Sunday."

There's nothing Piper can do to hide the shock and disappointment on her face, as much as she tries to keep it hidden in her voice "Oh. Okay. Cool. How, how long are you staying?"

"I don't know, about a week I think unless something comes up."

The joint is back in Alex's hands and Piper picks up her beer bottle, just to toy with it in her hands, peeling the label off.

"And where are you off to afterwards?"

The question comes out shy, with her eyes glued to the beer bottle as if it was the most interesting thing she's ever seen.

"I don't know still. There's a few options."

She knows she can't press her further "Okay."

"Okay."

"Why does that building over there look like a bloody lego Batman?"

The joint is long gone but the feeling of it still lingers between them, as they keep giggling and telling funny stories to each other, and it this last question from Alex Piper just bursts out laughing uncontrollably.

"You're insane."

"Am not. It's there!" she points her finger in the direction she is talking about "right freaking there, you're just blind."

"You pointing fingers doesn't help, miss. You've literally just pointed at the entire Manhattan for me."

Rolling her eyes, Alex gets up from her chair and walks over to where Piper is sitting. She lowers herself down so she at eye level with Piper as she stands behind her chair "Right fucking there." she points, hopeful that Piper will see what she sees.

"Oh, right, it is there! Oh my god, it's Mr Batman right there. And his arms are so funny!" Piper bursts into laughter and Alex joins in. They're both imitating the hand positioning of the Batman and it makes them laugh even more, as they fall into a hazy euphoria.

Piper turns to say something but then they lock eyes and all the laughter dies down in that very moment. Piper can feel Alex's face so close to hers, but she doesn't dare to move and do anything about it, except look into those captivating green eyes. She can almost feel the strong electric pull towards Alex, but she stays rooted at the spot, even though she is sure Alex felt it too.

After a few moments, Alex clears her throat and looks away, walking back towards where she was sitting "I should get going" she softly mumbles as she slowly gathers her things.

Piper is up on her feet before Alex has even finished her sentence "Is this a goodbye?" she brings herself to ask. She'll blame it on the weed later.

"I don't really know. I do think I'll be back in New York after LA, at least for some days. I'll let you know." Alex replies as she picks up the few beer bottles they've emptied.

"Could you just… wait for a few minutes? I need to pee." Piper speaks with her thumb hooked over her shoulder towards the door and Alex just nods and refocuses her attention to her phone.

She comes back a couple of minutes later with a record in her hands. Alex doesn't even have to think about which one it could be.

"I got you this the other day, when you weren't looking. I remember you didn't have it and just figured you still don't. I didn't want to give it to you so it doesn't come out the wrong way but since you're leaving in a few days I figured…" she stops there, aware Alex understood what she is trying to say so she extends the gift over to Alex who is still looking at her, not moving.

"Please." Piper whispers and it finally snaps Alex out of her trance "Sorry, yeah, thanks" she says as she takes the record. Clearing her throat, she continues "I mean… you didn't have to and you shouldn't but… thank you. And you're right - I still don't have it."

"I'm glad I got it then."

They share a small smile before Alex gives one more look to Manhattan before saying "I better go."

Piper nods. "Alright. Talk to you soon and if I don't see you before that, have fun in LA."

"Thanks."

Alex comes closer to her and slowly leans in to give her a kiss on the cheek. It's not the first time she's done that since their reestablished relationship, but this time it lingers longer than anytime before, and Piper is happy with that.

But it's over all too soon and it's too fast by the time she is gone.

Piper looks out into Manhattan, thoughts swirling through her brain. She looks down and can catch a glimpse of Alex walking down the street, the record in her hands.

Alex's words _I'll let you know_ still vivid in Piper's mind, as a promise of seeing her again and as a hope that this time around, she'll have the guts to really, truly talk to Alex.

Maybe this time they'll find a way to be good enough.

* * *

Almost done here. Let me know how you like it, I've been out of writing for so long. Thanks for all the love.


	6. Unexpected Goodbyes

A/N I know, it's been forever and then some. I suck. But I hope you enjoy this final chapter non-the-less. If there's any of you who remained interested in reading this story, that is. **Can we also take a moment to appreciate season 5? Such a powerful season.**

 **Tiny note before we start** : the "current time" is slightly into the future, the _flashbacks_ in italics are picking up from where the last chapter ended and everything else will hopefully be clear from the reading of it. Looking forward to hear how you like it!

* * *

 _One last mistake (I need a change)_

 _Let's make one last mistake_

 _The harder stuff is always love, I guess_

 _(Time will heal the pain) it's already starting to fade_

 _Let's make one last mistake_

 _The harder stuff is always love when it ends_

* * *

" _Good luck with everything. And goodbye, Piper."_

Simple words. Straightforward meaning. A shattered heart.

Piper reads and rereads Alex's goodbye letter so many times in a span of a few hours that she feels like it's etched in her head forever.

She can't bring herself to stop weeping through every word there – of how hard it would be to see her face one more time before she goes, of how much she still loves her and of the fact they shouldn't see each other ever again so they don't fall into the same trap of repetitive heartbreak.

Each word sticking another poisonous arrow into Piper's heart. Each one causing another shattering of her heart.

She found it on her kitchen counter, like a freaking cliché out of every sad romantic movie she ever saw. She's still not sure if she hates Alex a bit tad more for that.

She hates herself for it too – she knew Alex was leaving and knew there's not a chance for them to find their way back to each other, in the long run anyway. She hates herself for hoping that it was possible to change something. Like a cliché from those less-sad romantic movies.

Fucking, stupid, sappy romantic. She feels like slapping herself the whole day.

The whole day that she spent first on her kitchen floor, weeping. Then she moved to her sofa, imagining Alex boarding her flight to fuck-knows-where, wondering if she feels even a piece of what Piper herself does. Then moving to her bed, letter in her hand still, as if she needs a reminder that it's real. Laying motionless, staring at the ceiling, wondering if there was anything else she could've done to stop Alex from leaving her.

She falls asleep eventually, probably too tired from all the crying and the lack of food. But then she wakes up, still wishing she was dead, so she messages work that she won't be coming in that day and goes back to sleep.

Hoping that she can sleep off the nausea that overcomes her every time she realizes she doesn't even know where Alex is. And she never will again, because she already tried calling but her phone is disconnected. Most probably on purpose.

But the next day it gets a bit easier to get out of bed. Maybe it's due to Nicky's insistent yelling at her on the phone that she _"has to drag her sweet little blond ass into the office so that Nicky can punch Alex Vause out of her personally"_ or just the fact that she can't allow herself to shatter to pieces over a girl.

A girl who's probably already enjoying cocktails and weed with some other hot piece of meat in Cambodia or something.

Or not, maybe she is as broken too. Maybe, as she wrote in her letter, this isn't easy for her either.

But Piper doesn't know, and she won't find out, and it takes everything in her to learn to deal with that. So she gets up, showers and goes to work.

* * *

 _Text message:_

 _Sender: Alex_

 _I'm there in 5. Sorry, the line for the beers was longer than I expected. I'm finally out of the deli, I'll be there quickly._

 _Sender: Piper_

 _No worries, you've never had a thing for being punctual anyway. See ya in a bit._

 _As she slides the phone down she serves their plates and gets their dinner to the table. She rarely cooks, and is astonishingly bad at it, but somehow the fact Alex did get in touch after coming back from LA makes her open up all the recipes she could find online, choose something easy and get down to making it. She didn't burn anything, and considers that already a success, even though casserole is probably a dish that would be really hard to mess up._

 _She's about to get the glasses when the door bell rings, so she walks over to open up for Alex._

" _Alcohol delivery. No charge" the raven-haired woman speaks from the door, a six pack in her hands and a mischievous grin on her face._

" _Oh well, thank you, that's so very kind of you" Piper replies and grabs the beer from her hands and walks back in._

" _I assume delivery workforce doesn't get to hang around for dinner?" she speaks as she turns around to flash a smile at Alex, who is still standing at the door, as she places the beer down on the counter._

" _Well, I do deliver for food at least, so, I'll invite myself in." she speaks as she is already walking in and closing the door behind her, the energy in the room instantly charging with no doors between them._

 _Piper is trying her best not to stare, which is hard as that V neck Alex is wearing is really making it hard for her to focus on anything else, so she fidgets with getting two beers out, keeping her eyes trained on the six pack._

" _So, glass or from the bottle?"_

" _Really?"_

 _And that eyebrow raise that sends her Piper's mind fumbling._

" _Alright, let's eat." She manages to mumble out as she takes over two bottles to their table, glasses left behind near the stove._

 _They chat about LA and how the weather is gorgeous there, and about the relaxed energy it carries and the amount of "gluten free & artisanal" spots it has. Alex compliments her cooking and Piper can't stop herself when a huge grin spreads across her face, like a nerdy kid that was just praised by the teacher._

 _The conversation flows between them as easily as it did when they first met back in that museum in Munich some years ago. It feels like time is standing still, but Piper knows it's not and she knows things are different. They are different._

 _And the invisible dark cloud hanging above her head gets harder to ignore as the time is passing by and she is not sure if she can continue avoiding talking about the fact Alex is leaving soon. Or how she feels about that._

" _Pipes?"_

 _Alex's voice brings her head back into present, and away from how badly she wants to blurt out those 3 words stuck in her throat._

" _What? Sorry, spaced out a bit."_

" _I can see that" Alex says with a chuckle "I was just saying that the dinner was great. And that I'd love to hang out at your rooftop again, the view is magnificent. If you don't mind."_

" _Sure. Let me just clean this up first and we can head upstairs."_

" _Let me help."_

* * *

The first week is horrible. Nicky tells her multiple times she looks like shit and should really consider taking a vacation.

"On the second thought, don't blondie, you might take a trip around the world trying to find her." She adds as she walks out of her office.

Great, even Nicky has given up on her.

.

.

"Hey boss. Looking better every day!"

With those words Nicky welcomes her to work on Monday of the week three. She knows it's better. She ran around the city chasing some exclusive interviews and scoring 2 of those already makes her feel better, like she's back in the game. The game she knows.

She spent the weekend with her parents, trying to find a different reason to stab her own eye. It seemed to have been working out, as she really couldn't focus on anything except how annoying her mother was talking about all the events she just **has to** go to. But then she starts telling Piper that it's been a while since she broke up with Larry and there should be a man in her life by now.

And Piper snaps.

"No man, mom. I've been desperately in love with a woman since I left Larry. So unless you want to invite your friends to my big fat queer wedding…" she lets her sentence hangs there as she collects her stuff and gets out, leaving both of her parents confused and speechless.

She gets a call from Cal a few days later, and she manages to finally genuinely smile.

"Hey lesbian sister. What's up?"

"They called you already?"

"Oh yeah, mom freaked out and asked me to talk to you about it. Apparently, you're going through some weird midlife crisis."

It makes them both snort.

"Sure, that's what happens when you are in your early 30s."

There's a comfortable silence and Piper loves it.

"So, you're actually dating Nicky? I gotta say, Pipe, didn't expect that from you."

"Nicky? What? What are you talking about?"

"What do you mean? Mom said you've been seeing some woman, at least that's what you told her. I assumed it was Nicky from work. She's a lesbian, right?"

"Jesus. This is getting worse. Yes, she is. And no, I'm not."

"Oh. Then even I'm confused. Do you have some secret life we know nothing about?"

Piper takes a deep breath before answering his question.

"Kinda. I've dated someone a while back, while I was in Europe. And I just can't seem to get over her."

"Oh nice, a hot foreigner chick!"

Piper rolls her eyes at this "Seriously, Cal? And sorry to disappoint, but not a foreigner. Just an American photographer who came back to New York recently, broke my heart and left again."

There's a silence again but this time Piper can feel Cal is thinking about what to say next. He was always so straightforward and blunt that she can't believe she even left him speechless.

"Sounds horrible. Tell you what, how about you come over and spend the weekend with Neri and me? Conquer the great outdoors, be out and become one with nature. Oh, and I've got plenty of weed."

She smiles into the phone despite the tears that were forming in her eyes and nods her head, and then, when her brain registers Cal can't see her says a belayed "yes" and follows it with a "thank you"

They wrap the call up soon and Piper already feels lighter somehow. And she is looking forward to that weekend.

* * *

 _It's a simple act, really. Collect the plates, put into the dishwasher, put the leftover food into the fridge._

 _But there's a tiny moment when their hands touch by accident as they try to pick up the same damn plate, and Piper is so surprised when Alex lets her hand linger there, slowly brushing her thumb over the back of Piper's hand._

 _She lets her hand stay there, needing the touch and closes her eyes, her senses overwhelmed by the simple feel of Alex. Of Alex who is touching her hand, on purpose, her brain adds against itself._

 _She can already feel the words escaping her lips before she is even capable of thinking, but before she manages to blurt anything out, it's Alex that speaks up first._

" _I'm leaving tomorrow."_

 _Piper's eyes shot wide open and she retracts her hand faster than she thought possible._

" _Oh, so you thought holding my hand through that sentence was necessary?" the anger sips through her voice and she can't do anything to stop it._

 _It's not fair._

" _What? That's not… I wasn't… Jesus, Piper." Alex tries to compose herself with a steadying breath, Piper can see her trying to be the adult in this conversation, but she doesn't even care at this point, she's fuming._

" _First off, I didn't touch your hand because of that. I touched it by accident and I fucking liked it. And I missed it. And I wanted to tell you before I leave tonight, but somehow it felt weird waiting."_

" _Oh, thank you so much kind Alex for telling me now! Seriously, what's wrong with you? You couldn't have told me this sooner? Even worse, you wanted to wait until the last possible moment to tell me?"_

 _She is yelling and she is aware of it. She is also pacing all over the room while Alex is rooted to the spot, her eyes glancing to the floor._

 _Guilt. She'd recognize it anytime._

" _I… I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't want to make it weird and I didn't want the pressure of goodbye looming over our heads I guess. But then it was weird already when I got here because I felt bad for not telling you. I don't know, Piper, it's just so freaking hard to know what's right or wrong with you."_

" _Well, I can tell you that. What's wrong is hiding from me that you are leaving the country tomorrow. What's wrong is not giving me time to prepare myself for the idea of you being gone!"_

" _I'm sorry! Ok, I really am. I just…" her voice goes so quiet that it makes Piper stop pacing and even simmers her anger down, stopping right in front of Alex "… I just didn't know, or don't know, how to say goodbye to you again."_

 _This admission leaves Piper speechless, and it clicks in her mind that this isn't easy for Alex._

" _Then don't."_

 _The words are out before she can stop them even though she promised herself she would not ask Alex to stay in New York again. But the idea of losing her makes it hard to control herself._

" _You know I have to go. You knew from the beginning that I have to go."_

 _It makes Piper back off a few steps._

" _I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. And I shouldn't have freaked out on you."_

" _It's okay. I'm sorry too, for not thinking this through a bit better."_

* * *

The weekend with Cal made her feel better than she expected it to. She got to relax, to talk to her brother and remember so many of their foolish acts back when they were kids, of how they tried to hide all of their misdeeds from their parents, especially Carol.

As she walks back into her apartment and drops her bag next to her door, she feels lighter, but there are words ringing in her head that Cal said at one point, while she was telling him all about Alex, that she can't seem to be able to stop thinking about.

" _If either one of you loved the other so much, you'd be willing to make some sort of a sacrifice and a compromise."_

Maybe Cal is right. Maybe she and Alex cling onto each other for some other reason, and not real love. Because if they did, Alex would move to New York for her, right? She'd stop traveling the world and find her inspiration and muse right here. Hell, she'd make Piper her muse and nothing else would really matter.

Stop.

A thought finally creeps into her mind: "If Piper really loved Alex, she would've given up her god damn job and went to be with her."

Maybe they are both assholes or blind or not really in love. Maybe they just got carried away.

Because the alternative is that she made the biggest fucking mistake ever.

So she takes the closest alternative she can find to losing her mind and deals a number.

"Do you think I'm miserable?" she blurts into the phone as soon as it's picked up

"Well hello to you too, Chapman. Thanks for calling on a Sunday to go through your own dramas, it's exactly what a girl wants on her weekend off. And yes, I do think you've been miserable lately but I'm not sure if that's what you're aiming for."

Nicky, always a charmer.

"I mean. I was wondering, am I actually happy? Would I be happier if I said fuck everything and went with Alex?"

"Tough questions, Chapman. Where's this coming from?"

She can hear slight annoyance in Nicky's voice, and she doesn't blame her for it, she's been needing an awful lot of attention lately. But she can't seem to be able to stop herself from going on.

"I talked to Cal. And Cal said that if we really loved each other we would've found a way."

Nicky snorts and it makes things seem funny all of a sudden.

"I know he's your brother, but he lives in fairytales. Love's not enough for things to work out. People need to be on the same page of life and all that jazz. But then again, Cal's married and I'm still learning if second dates exist. But anyway, she already left. What's the point of this?"

It hits Piper like a ton of bricks all over again when Nicky says that Alex is actually gone. Gone and has her phone disconnected. She mumbles that Nicky's right and that she has to go and drops the phone.

Alex is gone. So fuck her.

But why does she feel like she is drowning then?

* * *

 _They remain silent for a few moments, as if they are both contemplating what to say next. But the silence is driving Piper mad, so instead of reacting she goes back to the task at hand, and starts picking up the dishes from the table._

 _She's putting them down into the sink, letting the water run while trying to compose herself again, trying to think what to do next, what to say next, and just as her mind starts to slow down and clear, all thoughts leave her once again as she feels Alex's breathe on her neck._

 _Alex's arms around her waist._

 _Alex's chin on her shoulder._

 _Alex's body so close to hers._

 _The smell of Alex so close and so strong._

 _It causes a shiver down her spine and her eyes shut on their own accord._

" _I wish it didn't have to be this way for us."_

 _Just one sentence comes out of Alex and it breaks her into pieces._

 _She turns around into Alex's arms and plants her lips firmly onto hers, no hesitation, no second thoughts. The kiss is passionate and forceful and electrifying, but it feels so damn good._

 _Until Alex pulls away, again._

" _We shouldn't do that."_

 _But this time Piper's not having it, so she takes a step closer to Alex again._

" _You're leaving tomorrow. And I love you. And if we already don't have a future, we have the present, don't we?"_

 _She caresses the other woman's face gently with her palms and she can feel Alex leaning into the touch._

" _Just let me have this one memory."_

 _Alex is slowly nodding her head, hesitation still obvious but Piper is not letting that stand in the way as she plants her lips on Alex's again, seeking entrance immediately. Their hands are exploring each other's body with no hesitation and Piper can't remember the last time she felt this alive._

" _This is a mistake." She says quietly, and unconvincingly. Piper knows she's already won this one._

" _Oh shut up!" she says as she crashes her lips against Alex's again._

 _They're stumbling over their own feet as Piper tries to guide them to the bedroom, trying not to break the kiss too much and pulling off any pieces of clothing they can manage on the way there. When they make it to the bed, Alex gently lays Piper down and roams her eyes over her body._

" _I love you too." She says before she straddles Piper's hips with her own legs and resumes kissing her. This time slower, gentler, as if rushing things would rush up the clock that keeps ticking anyway._

 _Piper wakes up in the morning surprised at being alone in the bed. Thoughts of last night still fresh in her head, the smell of Alex still on her pillows. But there's no Alex anywhere in the room. Confusion takes over her as she quickly gets out of bed and walks out of her bedroom. It doesn't even take a second for her to spot the envelope that's waiting for her on the kitchen counter._

 _She doesn't even have to open it to know what's in it and her hands are already shaking._

* * *

 _ **3 years later**_

"Is that all?"

"Yeah, I think once those are done we can push them over to the top editor for the final confirmation and then it can go into print." The voice on the other end of the phone call replies "I think your manuscript has a lot of potential, Piper, and I'm sure we can do a lot with it. We'll have to discuss marketing plans and the book tour, if the interest is high an international one too, but I think it's the right time for a book like this."

"A book like this?" she asks with a questioning raise in her eyebrows

"You're a well-known editor, Piper. Everyone knows you can write and everyone's read your columns once you went back to writing them again. You writing a book about feminism and sexuality and loss is gonna get a lot of folks interested out there. I'm telling you."

"Thanks, Brian. I hope so."

"Alright, I gotta run to my next meeting but I'll talk to you again as soon as I have some final confirmations in place. This is gonna be massive. By the way, have you thought of a title yet?"

It throws her a bit off, as she hasn't really thought of it.

After talking to Cal and Nicky all those years back, she just set down and thought about her own life, and who she is and who she wants to be.

She thought about her job and then she finally remembered that all she ever wanted to do is be a writer, but she let her mom convince her otherwise.

So she started writing columns the magazine, as a way of letting her head clear out and as a way of getting her heart to forget all about Alex Vause.

And now, asked about a title of her book, she can't even remember why she hasn't even thought about it before.

"I'm still not sure of that one." She replies honestly

"We need to have it soon and it has to be catchy. You wrote a lot about love and loss, so maybe focus on something there. Alright, now really gotta run, talk to you soon."

They exchange byes and she hangs up.

She starts thinking about what could the title be. It's not a novel that she wrote, it's more a collection of columns - a collection of love and pain and strength to move on and move past things.

"Hey babe, everything alright?" a familiar voice calls behind her and their arms are wrapped around her instantly.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I was just asked about the title for my book and I realized I haven't really thought of it."

There's silence between them as they both let those thoughts settle in.

"When will you let me read it?"

"You probably shouldn't." Piper says apologetically. She knows she can't stop her girlfriend from reading, but she still wishes she could.

"Seriously?" she gives her a raised eyebrow and drops her arms from around Piper and spins her around.

"There's nothing in there that could change things between us."

Piper's not that convinced.

"Are you sure? Not even the part where I write about how badly I hated you after you left me in New York?"

Alex laughs "I already know you hated me. And I've even seen it in written form from you. Remember?"

They share a genuine smile and Piper just pressed her lips against Alex's. So easy.

"All true but I think we have more important things to worry about right now."

Alex gives her a puzzled look.

"You forgot, again? Come on, the wedding planner won't wait for us for too long and I am looking forward to fighting over the wedding cake. Chop, chop, Vause."

She smacks her butt as she walks over the retrieve the keys from the bowl next to the door, waiting for Alex to put on a shirt before they head out.

And then it comes to her: meeting Alex the first time, meeting Alex the second time, starting her column, finding Alex the third and final time, writing her book – it all happened out of the blue, with no proper plan of action and it changed her life for the better.

A grin spreads across her face as Alex is finally approaching her and she gives her a quick peck on the lips before she whispers "Unexpected Encounters, I think I got it".

Alex just smiles, grabs her hand and they walk out.

* * *

 **Epilogue**

This elevator is taking forever, I should've walked. And what am I even doing? I glance down at the magazine in my hands and remember.

The elevator doors open with a ding and I walk out, quick strides because I know if I slow down I might change my mind. I knock forcefully at the door and hear footsteps from inside the flat.

"I'm coming, calm down." It's her voice and a smile spreads across my face instantly. As she opens the door, she has this angry look on her face, probably due to the obnoxious knocking I put her through and then it turns to confusion when she sees me.

"Alex?" she whispers my name and it sounds like she's afraid I'll disappear if she says it louder.

"Hey, kid." I try my best to sound casual while I know my heart is about to explode in my chest.

"What… what are you doing here?"

"I read your last column. Well, I read all of them but the last one got me here. Do you mind-" I stop as I look inside her flat "- I'm sorry, am I bothering you?"

She is very quick to shake her head and mutter a silent "no"

"Do you mind if we come in? I don't wanna spill my heart out on your hallway."

She just moves from the door and I see that as an invite to come in. I don't give her any time to speak or move, but just go for it.

"I've read your column and it made me think. You're right, we never fought for each other. I don't know if it was fear or stubbornness or plain stupidity, but we never did. When you left me, I was so heartbroken. I understood where you're coming from but I really hated you for leaving. And then, when you kept asking me to stay in the States I was just so afraid you'll break my heart again. So I had to go. But when I read your column, where you write that you couldn't give me what I deserved because you weren't giving yourself what you need… it hit me in the gut."

I take a moment to collect my thoughts and take a deep breath.

"I guess I never thought you might leave at first, and then when you did it hurt like a bitch. And I was afraid to be vulnerable with you again."

I try to read Piper's face but it's blank, and I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or she is just trying to wrap her head around things. She opens her mouth and I let her speak.

"I thought I knew what I wanted. Big shot editor job. I had to prove to my mom and to my friends and to you even that I can do things on my own, build a career and be an independent woman. I felt like everyone treated me as poor little Piper that needs someone to take care of her. And as I wrote in my column-"

"-you now know you don't need anyone to take care of you. You just _want_ me to take care of you. Or, was it another "A" you were referring to there? Cause if you did, it's gonna make me look really fucking stupid."

"Shut up." She says as she approaches me and plants her lips on mine. I can feel her smile into the kiss and I think for the first time ever we are actually on the same page.

We want each other, but we also want our own lives and we'll make sure it works.

"I'll move to New York." I say in between kisses

"I'll travel with you" she replies with a smile and I give her a puzzled look

"I quit my editor in chief job today, I was actually planning to find you. I kept the column writing but we made a deal that I can do it from wherever I want. These past 3 months have been horrible, Al."

I don't think I've ever smiled as hard as right now, so I just pick Piper up and spin her around as she yelps.

"Tell you what, we split time and figure it out?"

She nods. And kisses me. And I tell her I love her, one more time, just to make sure she doesn't forget that ever again.

The end.

* * *

Final note: I'm not too happy with how this turned out, but I knew that if I don't finish it today, I'll probably delay it for another forever so I figured it's better to give this story a final wrap up, even if it's not as good as I wanted it to be.

Do shout over your thoughts on this, I'd love to hear your thoughts on how this was wrapped up.

I might not be writing ever again, as I'm so horribly bad at this, unless some spur of inspiration comes from my muse and I decide to do a one-shot here and there. Let me know if you'd like to read more from me.

Thanks for sticking around and I hope I didn't entirely disappoint you with the ending!


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